My Girlfriend Never Initiates Physical Contact (7 TIPS!)

Does your girlfriend never initiate physical contact and intimacy?! This can be frustrating but we’ve got some helpful tips to get your love-life on track..

Some girls are more reserved when it comes to physical contact. They might be scared or don’t know what to do to make their intentions clear to their significant other.

A lot of girls have been taught that girls need to be quiet and listen rather than act. 

Because of this, guys are left confused about their girlfriend’s intentions. As a guy, you could feel unwanted and unloved if you’re the one always initiating. Why are you doing all the work and no effort is being reciprocated by your girl?

Are you doing something wrong, is she not into you anymore?

To understand why some girls don’t initiate physical contact and what to do about it, read on!

Our Recommendations To Increase Intimacy In Your Relationship

What To Do When Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Initiate Intimacy

Understand Her Love Language

Understand Her Love Language

This is probably the most important tip in this article, which is why I’m putting it first.

You need to understand your partners love language (and your own) when dating someone.

Love languages are the different ways of expressing and giving love. The five types are physical touch, words of affirmations, quality time, receiving gifts and acts of service.

So if your girlfriend is a words of affirmation type and you’re a physical touch guy, you both express (and want to receive) love differently.

This is perfectly fine and you can make it work if you have different love languages, but you need to be aware of them from the get-go and communicate.

Which brings me to my next point…


Communicate to your girlfriend about your intimacy needs

Most times women are scared of doing something wrong when it comes to intimacy. They need to talk about their needs and wants.

If they can talk to their partner and have a verbal confirmation that they are doing everything ok, they will feel much safer. 

Communicate and decide on a clear framework of what is and isn’t ok in a relationship.

Without a discussion, whenever she wants to initiate something the fear of rejection will stop her. As soon as you can talk to her about your needs, she will be more courageous.

Tell her why you want to feel needed and why you want her to initiate things. As long as she knows she will not be rejected, she will be all over you. 

Dr. Nicole Prause is a sex psychophysiologist and neuroscientist. She suggests that as long as your girl understands that her initiating is a turn-on for you, she will do it more often. Just make sure you don’t demand that she initiates contact.

Be patient and make sure she’s comfortable. 

Work Against Traditional Gender Roles

Work Against Traditional Gender Roles

Traditionally, women are taught to be quiet and do what is asked of them. This can mean that your girlfriend might think her role is to please you when you want it.

She might think initiating contact is asking for her pleasure, which wouldn’t allow her to fulfill her role. Society has always taught girls that it’s shameful to ask to feel good in an intimate way, thus she could feel ashamed to show you she wants you.

As her boyfriend, you need to help her break away from these roles. Tell her it’s ok for her to want to feel good, to want to be intimate.

Reassure her that you will never judge her if she initiates contact. In fact, that you welcome it.

Show her she is safe with you and she can be straightforward in how she interacts with you. 

Understand Her Needs

She might not initiate contact because their own needs might not tell her to. Not everybody wants to be the proactive one, and for some, it is even a turn-off.

Maybe your girlfriend is the more submissive type, or maybe she might be more responsive rather than proactive. If you understand her needs you can be more equipped to make her feel good.

Most importantly, as soon as you talk to her about what she wants, you will better understand why she acts the way she acts.

The better you understand her, the less stressed you will feel about being the only initiator. 

Teach Her What You Like

Tell your girlfriend what you like in a relationship

If you feel unwanted, if she doesn’t initiate contact, it might be because she doesn’t know what you like. She might be different from you in her needs and might act in a way that seems normal to her. 

If she’s not so into physical contact, she might not understand not initiating it could hurt you. Not because she’s not into you, but because you haven’t made your needs clear.

If you teach her what you like and show her how to do what makes you feel good, it will motivate her to initiate intimacy. 

Make Things Spicy

Make things spicy in your relationship to increase intimacy

Initiating things takes spontaneity. The problem is, studies have shown men are naturally more spontaneous.

This is why men are the ones who always go in for the kiss while girls need a little time to adjust. Spontaneity can be taught to certain extents.

So, if you want to make your girl initiate contact, help her act more and think less. 

If spontaneity is not the issue, it might be that things between you are not spicy. So, find new ways to elevate the physical side.

Give her a sexy massage, try stealing touches but refrain from kissing her. Make her feel crazy and wanted and she will be all over you in no time. 

Make sure to help her feel comfortable and create an intimate environment.

She might not initiate anything because she can never get you alone or you are always busy.

Make sure you have alone time and she feels safe before expecting her to initiate anything.

Boost Her Confidence

Girls tend to be pressured by society when it comes to looks, size, and so on. Often, they are taught that if they don’t look a certain way they will not be liked physically. 

Feeling self-conscious might be a big barrier when it comes to wanting to do anything physical. Thinking you look bad can make girls feel scared of rejection or being made fun of when trying to initiate anything. 

Make her feel beautiful and help her get over her fears. As her partner, work to boost her confidence and help her feel safe with you.

As soon as she gains some confidence, she will not feel scared to initiate intimacy. 


If your girl seems to not like to initiate physical contact, it is probably something easily fixable. Don’t get scared that she doesn’t want you anymore, instead work to understand what’s going on in her head. 

Communicate with her, make your needs clear while understanding her needs. Make sure there’s a clear way for her to not be scared of rejection.

Make sure she is not ashamed of what she wants and be her safe space. Boost her confidence and give her time.

Make sure she knows that you need her touch and teach her how to do it, but don’t pressure her. Some people just don’t need physical contact, and if she doesn’t that’s legitimate.

Understand that you being the initiator is ok and if that’s the sacrifice you have to make for her, consider doing it.

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