15 Not-So-Subtle Signs He’s A Covert Narcissist

Many of us walk through life wearing rose-colored glasses, especially in matters of the heart. This often leads to a blindness toward any signs that may threaten our emotional well-being—a kind of willing ignorance we adopt for the sake of love.

Tragically, the veil is usually lifted only after we have been hurt. In a startling revelation, the experiences we once painted in vibrant hues of love and dedication suddenly darken, revealing their true, grim colors.

It’s a painful truth: what felt like sudden betrayals were often patterns overlooked in our affectionate haze.

Recognizing the signs of emotional manipulation is never easy, especially when they creep up stealthily, disguised as love.

Now, facing the truth, you are confronted with one of your life’s toughest realities—recovery.

You reflect on the moments you rationalized away, asking yourself how you missed the signs, how you tolerated so much that was clearly not okay.

It’s a harsh realization, but in it lies a critical lesson: You cannot transform someone who sees no need for change, nor can you negotiate affection from someone who offers none in return.

Here’s an essential insight for anyone entangled in a relationship that may seem subtly off—you might be dealing with a covert narcissist, skillfully hidden beneath charm and apparent affection.

Signs He’s A Covert Narcissist

They’re hypersensitive to criticism

Covert narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism but rarely express their discomfort directly.

Instead, they may harbor resentment and engage in subtle acts of retaliation or avoid the criticizer altogether.

Over time, their response to criticism can lead to a pattern of passive-aggressive behavior, as they attempt to punish or undermine those who criticize them, often behind the scenes.

They manipulate conversations

In any group setting, covert narcissists skillfully bring the conversation back to themselves.

They might initially feign interest in others’ topics but quickly find ways to relate discussions back to their own experiences or views.

This self-centeredness is less overt than that of an overt narcissist and can sometimes be masked by seemingly genuine engagement.

They play the victim frequently

Covert narcissists often manipulate others by portraying themselves as the victim in various scenarios to elicit sympathy and manipulate emotions.

They use their “victim status” to justify their behavior, evade accountability, and gain attention, all while maintaining a persona of being misunderstood or mistreated.

They give backhanded compliments

Backhanded compliments from a covert narcissist are designed to appear as praise but are actually critical and undermining.

These comments can subtly lower the self-esteem of their recipients, keeping them off-balance and more likely to seek the narcissist’s approval.

They exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors

Rather than expressing anger or dissatisfaction openly, covert narcissists often resort to passive-aggressive behaviors.

This might include sarcastic remarks, silent treatments, or subtly sabotaging someone’s efforts.

These actions allow them to vent their feelings without overt conflict, controlling others subtly and maintaining their self-image as agreeable or benevolent.

Read Next: 20 Things Good Men DON’T Do In A Healthy Relationship

They exploit others emotionally

Covert narcissists are adept at reading others and using their emotional sensitivities against them.

This exploitation is often so subtle that it’s not immediately recognizable, allowing the narcissist to maintain control and dominance in relationships without overt manipulation.

A covert narcissist might learn that a colleague feels insecure about their professional competence.

The narcissist could use this information by subtly delegating tasks that highlight these insecurities, reinforcing the colleague’s self-doubt while positioning themselves as indispensable or superior.

In personal relationships, if a covert narcissist knows their partner fears abandonment, they might use this fear to maintain control.

For instance, they could hint at or threaten a breakup during disagreements, manipulating their partner’s emotions to capitulate and comply with their demands, just to keep the relationship.

They exhibit an excessive need for admiration

While less overt than their extroverted counterparts, covert narcissists crave admiration and validation.

They may solicit compliments through self-deprecating comments or by showcasing their achievements under the guise of sharing news, all in an effort to feed their ego quietly.

They are envious of others’ successes

A covert narcissist may not openly express their envy, but it can manifest in private comments that belittle others’ achievements or in an apparent lack of enthusiasm for others’ successes.

This envy stems from their deep-seated insecurity and need to feel superior.

They appear charming and engaging

In public, covert narcissists can be exceptionally charming and charismatic, often attracting a circle of admirers.

This charm is carefully crafted to maintain a positive image and attract attention, while privately, their personality can be significantly less pleasant or engaging.

They display feelings of entitlement

Covert narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and that their needs should be prioritized over others’.

This entitlement may not always be pronounced but can surface in subtle expectations of preferential treatment or frustrations when they feel they are not being treated as superior.

They have few genuine friendships

Relationships with a covert narcissist are often superficial and based primarily on what the other person can provide them.

Genuine, reciprocal friendships are rare because their interactions are typically self-serving and lack true empathy and connection.

They react poorly to perceived slights or abandonment

Even minor slights can trigger disproportionate reactions from covert narcissists, who may respond with cold withdrawal or extended silent treatments.

These reactions are a control mechanism meant to punish and manipulate others into compliance or remorse.

They lack deep empathy

While they may feign empathy or concern, covert narcissists typically do not feel genuine empathy.

Their apparent concern is often a tool used to manipulate or control others, serving their interests and maintaining their desired image.

They maintain a carefully curated image

Obsessed with how others perceive them, covert narcissists go to great lengths to control their image and manage information about themselves.

They are quick to reframe stories or omit details that might portray them negatively, constantly curating how they are seen by the world.

Read Next: My Ex Is Dating The Person She Cheated On Me With (7 MUST-DO’S!)

They shift blame and responsibility

Rarely accepting blame, covert narcissists are quick to shift responsibility to others.

They use rationalizations, excuses, or blame others to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, often painting themselves as the aggrieved party to avoid scrutiny and maintain their self-image.