You will inevitably come across manipulators throughout your life, and sometimes, these people go out of their way, and put in quite a bit of effort, to set you up for failure.
Being able to recognize this in a person, and to read a person’s behavior, especially when it is having a negative effect on you, is so important. However, this is much easier said than down.
If you have a feeling that someone might be setting you up for failure, but you aren’t completely sure, there are definitely signs to look for that they might be manipulating you and heading you down the wrong path.
Always keep yourself guarded when your gut is trying to tell you something, and look for these below signs that someone is setting you up
Signs Someone Is Setting You Up
You’re Uncomfortable Around Them
Let your intuition be your guide here.
If you are uncomfortable around them, that is extremely telling and should be reason enough to question this friendship.
Notice how you feel around them. At ease? Stressed? Happy? Resentful?
Don’t just brush it off. Learn to listen to you inner dialogue and feelings as they can sense things you sometimes can’t.
This is like when we get a ‘vibe’ from a person. How many times have you just had a feeling about someone and been proven right?
They Use Your Emotions To Control You
You might not be aware of this tactic for some time before it becomes obvious. This person would be playing on your emotions to get you to do certain things, effectively controlling you by using your emotions.
They will get you to do something you usually would not do, or agree to something or act a certain way, but making you feel bad about not wanting to go along with something.
They will make you feel sorry for them, or manipulate your feelings in such a way that you go along with something that you might never have done so before.
They might also play on your good emotions as well, and wait until you are in a particularly good mood to convince you to do something way out of character for yourself.
This also comes in the form of them ‘being’ there for you when you are down, and then using this later on to get something out of you in return.
They Initiate Plans
Friendships or relationships should involve effort and work from both sides, but sometimes, you are not given this opportunity!
Someone who is trying to set you up would want to control what you do and how you spend your time.
One way the might do this is to always make plans with you, have these plans suit them, and then guilt you if you say no.
They would have a great way of twisting your arm to do something that they want to do, even when you really don’t feel like going along with their plans.
This is a way for them to have control of how you spend your time, and the things you do in your life, which can be a very slippery slope down to bad consequences, and is an ideal way for them to set you up.
They Act Better Than You
One way to break a person down is to tell them that they are not good enough, and that they will never know as much as you, or be as successful as you are.
When someone is trying to set you up, they will use this tactic to bring down your sense of confidence or your self-worth. Effectively, this means that you will not trust your own decisions or intellect as much, and you might be more dependent on them when it comes to making decisions.
This then gives them the opportunity to set you up for failure, as they could tell you just about anything they want, as your self-esteem would be low, and you might see them as trustworthy and all-knowing.
If someone is constantly telling you that you are not good enough, or simply that they are better than you, it is never a healthy relationship, and one you should seriously work to remove yourself from.
They Show Up When It Is Convenient For Them
Someone who is trying to set you up won’t have much interest in sharing the good parts of your life with you. They won’t make the effort to be there when it is only beneficial to you, and they will find ways to avoid some important events or being there for you when you need them.
This type of person would only show up when it is convenient for them, and when it means they can further take advantage of you and possibly lead you down the wrong path.
Everything this person does for you, and all the times they do turn up, might feel like it comes with strings attached, or with you needing to repay the favor later on, and this is no healthy.
They Are Always The Victim
Playing the victim and guilt-tripping you into doing things you usually wouldn’t are key signs that someone is manipulating you and trying to set you up.
They will not care how their behavior makes you feel, as long as they can get what they want out of it.
By playing the victim, all blame for their actions is taken off their shoulders, and they will find a way to turn this blame around back onto you and make you feel like it is all your fault. This is just another way that they can control you using your emotions, and send you down a path that might not be where you need to go.
It can be difficult to notice this, especially if it has been over some time, but take a step back from the situation and try to see who really is causing all of the problems.
They Have A History Of It
A person who loves to set others up will definitely come with some history of doing so before. They will probably try to hide this, but there might still be some strange stories of terrible friendships or relationships that have ended in the past that they won’t elaborate about.
This person might also claim that all their failed friendships and relationships, or even relationships with colleagues at work, were all ended due to the other persons fault.
Usually, the common factor is the cause, and if the stories just don’t add it, it could be a sign that you are the next victim, and you are being set up.
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