The never-ending conundrum. You met an amazing guy, gone on a couple of dates, and now you’re smitten. But wait, you haven’t heard from him in over a week. What does this mean? Is he just really busy? If you haven’t heard from him in a week, should you text him?
If you haven’t heard from a guy in a week, chances are he’s just not that into and you shouldn’t text him. When a man is truly interested, it becomes very obvious and he won’t be hot-and-cold with his effort. Men don’t play hard to get and would never risk you thinking he’s not interested.
However, I will say there are some (not always!) cases in which he is interested and hasn’t reached out. Why do men do this? Is he playing games?
No, he is not!
If there is anything you take from this article it is this: Mature men who are truly interested in you don’t play games. However, they are human and there can be reasons they get distant.
Why Would A Guy Not Text?
Is He The One That Always Initiates The Conversations?
Is he always reaching out to you first? Do you two only talk or make plans because he initiates them?
If he’s putting in the majority of the effort, it’s very likely he’s feeling like his effort isn’t being reciprocated and has withdrawn a bit.
Although, stereotypically, men are supposed to be the pursuers in a new relationship, it’s important to remember that they are only human. No man (regardless of how much he may like you) will always be pursuing and initiating conversations if he feels like you aren’t meeting him halfway.
At some point, they can become a dash insecure and think you only reply to be polite. “Am I bothering her?” or “If I don’t initiate, we don’t talk, is it possible she’s not into me?” These are normal thoughts that could cross his mind.
Everyone, regardless of how confident they are on the outside, dislike rejection. It hurts. And if he starts feeling like you’re the one that’s not that into him, he will protect his feelings and retract.
So, you have to be honest with yourself here. Is he the one that always initiates conversations? Do you only talk if he reaches out?
Or, are you the one that always reaches out to him? If you don’t text him first, is it complete radio-silence on his end?
If it’s the latter, move on!
He’s Not Texting Back Because He’s Busy
This seems to be the most common thought woman have when they don’t hear back from men in a while.
And it’s complete BS!
Listen, we’re all busy! We have a million different things going on in our lives between balancing work, friends, school, working out, meals, calling your mom to see how she’s doing, walking the dog, and laundry.
Everyone is balancing a hundred different things.
There was a time in my life when I would leave for work at 5AM and not get back home until around 9:30 at night. I was running around like a chicken without ahead for two years and had a full calendar.
But you know what? I still made time for the things that were important to me. I still texted back my friends and picked up the phone to call people who I cared about.
You’re telling me, this guy is SO busy he can’t send a ‘Hey! I’m swamped at work so haven’t reached out, but want to grab a drink Saturday night?”
I mean, I could send that text waiting for a red light to switch. It doesn’t take more than 30 seconds.
He could also send it as a voice note while walking to the bathroom. It takes 15 seconds to voice note a message. Or is your stud super human and never stops working? Not even for bathroom breaks?
Please don’t make excuses for men. The only reasons he isn’t reaching out is because he doesn’t want to.
You would be much better off finding someone who is consistent and doesn’t leave you doubting his intentions.
But let’s play devils advocate for a minute and say that YES, he actually is crazy about you and is just ridiculously busy. He’s a lawyer who also runs a non-profit and volunteers helping blind dolphins on the weekend when he isn’t knitting scarves for the homeless. (Honestly, what a catch!)
So, where do you fit in with this guys life exactly? Is there even room for you here?
In the beginning of a relationship is when most men are pulling all the stops and making you feel like a million bucks. He’s just too busy to value the amazing woman you are.
And if you are okay with being in a relationship with someone who is too busy to spend much (if any) time with you, that’s completely up to you.
It isn’t unheard of for some partners to lead almost completely separate lives.
I know I wouldn’t be able to do it and I’m certain a lot of woman would agree with me, no matter how incredible that dolphin-loving-lawyer is, I gotta set him free.
Why would I want to be in a relationship with the ‘love of my life’ if he’s too busy to even text me? Do you think he would magically become the consistent, loving partner I want? I highly doubt it.
Okay, I Hear You. But I Want To Give It One Last Shot. What Do I Text?
If you truly think there has been some miscommunication and don’t want to move on without being certain of where he stands, there is only one text I would send.
I would not send anything along the lines of ‘I haven’t heard from you in a while” or asking him why he’s been quiet.
If he receives that text he will think you’re a stage 5 clinger!
If a guy isn’t your boyfriend and you start asking him why he’s being distant, he will run for the hills.
So, if you want to reach out and get a feel for where you stand with him, do not acknowledge the fact that he’s been quiet. I’m not advocating you play games, but you should be so busy with your own life that you aren’t sitting around checking your phone 24/7.
You didn’t even notice he has been quiet!
So what I want you to do is send a normal text initiating a date.
That’s right. None of this ‘Hey! How are you?” or small-talk.
Texting in the beginning should not be a means of conversation. You can’t build rapport or a connection through texts.
You should only use it to set up dates or build anticipation for said dates. Once you’re in a serious relationship, this changes of course, but in the beginning I don’t want you falling into the penpal-trap. Keep them quick and flirty.
So, I want you to send a message that initiates a date BUT leaves room for him to put in effort and meet you half way.
This way you can tell whether or not he is interested in seeing you again or if he’s just stringing you along.
Example of this text would be:
“My week has been crazy busy. We should grab a drink this weekend!”
This way you are telling him very clearly, ‘I want to see you again’ but now the ball is in his court and he can decide to follow up or not.
By the way, the only acceptable response to this is a variation of “I’d love to! Hows Friday at McLaren’s Pub. 7PM?”
He needs to follow up with a day and time.
Some men will say something along the lines of ‘We should. I’ll text you Thursday or Friday to set it up” or “I’ll let you know what I’m doing on Saturday.”
NOOOOOO! If he sends that open date without a day, time, place; it is officially time to move on.
He is putting you in the ‘after-thought’ category. He wants to keep his options open and see what better plans come up. This is as bad (if not worse) than ghosting.
If there is nothing else he wants to do, then hey! maybe I will text her.
Repeat after me: I will not wait around for a guy to decide he wants to see me. And I will surely NOT leave my weekend open expecting him to call me.
You are a high-value woman who will not sit around. Make plans with your girlfriends. Take a class. And delete that mans number because he is just not that into you.
Don’t forget to pin, like, and save me!
Pssst….. Are you a strong, independent woman? Of course you are! Check out whether a female led relationship is right for you! Keep in mind though. Female led RELATIONSHIP. Not courting, dating, or talking. Men are still the pursuers in the beginning even if you flip the script later on.