Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me? (17 MUST-KNOWS!)

Your girlfriend should be the person you go to for love, affection, and reassurance, and yes there are ups and downs in a relationship, but it should never feel like the two of you are against each other.

If you feel like your girlfriend is always mean to you, it is natural to be worried and wonder why she is acting this way. If your girlfriend is always mean to you, it could be that she’s simply stressed and lashing out, wants attention and doesn’t know how to ask for it in a healthy manner, or is simply a verbally abusive person.

If you are always asking yourself “why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, let’s dive deeper to find out all the reasons she might be acting this way towards you and any particular things you can do to try to solve the problem….

(Spoiler Alert: Sometimes ‘solving the problem’ means leaving her and finding someone kinder)

Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me


It Is Just Who She Is

Unfortunately, not everyone is a good, happy person, and your girlfriend might have seemed like this at first, but as things have settled in your relationship and you feel more comfortable around each other, her true colors have come out, and you can finally see her for who she is.

She could just be a negative person with a bad attitude, or she could have a short temper or be particularly grumpy often. As she feels more comfortable with you, she would feel more comfortable letting all these feelings out on you.

Relationships mean dealing with your partner’s flaws, but when these flaws are directed at you and make you unhappy, you have a choice to make.

She Is Unhappy In The Relationship

One main reason why she might be mean to you all the time is if she is unhappy in the relationship. You are representing the relationship for her, so if she is unhappy in the relationship, she is unhappy with you.

She might not even notice it, but the way she displays this is by being mean to you. She is acting out and pushing you away, because she doesn’t necessarily want to put the effort in to be nice to you and take the relationship any further.

Even if you try to talk to her about how she feels in the relationship, she might just lash out again and start arguing rather than having a constructive conversation.

Sometimes, this is something that you cannot come back from, and if she isn’t willing to even have the conversation, there is no way to move forward.

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Her Hormones Are Playing A Role

You should not bring this up unannounced unless you really want to upset her, but as a male, you need to understand the power of hormones, and how they can really alter your moods and attitude.

It could just be that your girlfriend is having a surge of hormones at the moment, whether from it being that time of the month or it being from medication, and this is what is making her moody.

Some women show no effects at all, while others can become almost a different person when the hormones hit.

If you think this might be the case, then just be supportive and understanding.

You Aren ’t Communicating Properly

Being in a relationship with someone who does not communicate properly can be so frustrating, and it can put a strain on the other person.

You might not even notice it, and you might be too busy to pay any mind, but you could just be really caught up in your own life and this is causing your communication with your girlfriend to fall short.

She might feel unheard, frustrated, and underappreciated in the relationship, so naturally, instead of her being nice to you, she would be reacting negatively.

Try to take a step back and have a look at your relationship, and see if maybe you are letting her down with how you communicate. 

You Aren’t Helping Out

Being in a relationship is one thing, and being a boyfriend takes effort, but if the two of you live together and you simply do not pull your weight, then she could be reacting by being mean to you.

It would be frustrating for her to feel as though she is doing everything at home and more, while you are just skating by. This wouldn’t encourage her to be nice and loving towards you, but instead, it would cause her to feel resentment and frustration.

The two of you need to have a clear understanding of what is expected of you, and both of you need to pull your weight for both of you to feel happy.

There Are Other Stresses In Her Life

Her being mean to you might not actually have anything to do with you, but it could be a result of other things happening in her life.

There could be problems in her family, at work, or in her social circle, and because she feels most comfortable with you, she would let her frustrations out with you, and sometimes at you.

Speak to your girlfriend to find out what might be going on, and if there is anything you can do to help or support her. She might not even realize that she has been taking it all out on you, and hopefully, a calm conversation is all you need to calm things down again.

She Is Tired

Life is busy and non-stop, and she might have a lot on her plate that is tiring her out. Some people deal with tiredness well, and for others, it can turn them into a different person!

She could be overwhelmed and exhausted, and this causes her to act out with you, because you are who she feels the most comfortable with, and she knows that even her grumpiness cannot push you away.

Try to see if there is any way you can lighten her load a little bit, but also remember that there is a difference between being grumpy when tired and being unnecessarily rude, and you need to know where you draw the line in the sand.

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You Are Not Compatible

It is true that opposites do attract, and sometimes two opposite people can be in a loving, healthy relationship, but in some cases, two people are just incompatible, and no matter how hard they try, the relationship won’t work.

Your personalities might clash, and the things you do might really frustrate her. The two of you might have very different personalities, you might be in different stages of your life, or your beliefs and morals don’t match, and this will just cause constant clashing, which might mean her being mean to you.

The chemistry and the sparks you felt in the beginning might have been fun and exciting, but as they fade, only your incompatibilities are brought out, and it just doesn’t work.

It Is How She Acted In Her Past Relationship

We are all influenced by our past experiences, and she might have been in a relationship in the past where being mean to each other was normal, so she now expects it to be normal and accepted with you.

It might also be that she was treated badly by an ex in the past, and to prevent this from happening again, she has built up walls and defenses to protect herself, and she might not even notice that this is happening.

It could be trust issues, insecurities, or even just defensive walls she has put up for herself. You need to be gentle when approaching her, and make her feel heard and understood, and hopefully, she will feel more comfortable being a little more vulnerable with you.

Boundaries Aren’t Respected

We all have our own boundaries, even with our partners. These are lines drawn in the sand that show what you are comfortable with, and what you expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to respect.

You might have had a boundary as to what you would put up with from your girlfriend when it comes to her being mean to you, but if she keeps pushing past this and you keep letting her, then she will just keep doing it.

It is so important for both partners to respect each other’s boundaries, and if you feel like she is pushing past yours, then you need to speak to her about it.

She Is Testing You

She might feel insecure in the relationship, and this could lead her to test you to see how far she can push you before you finally have enough.

It might not make sense to you, but this stems from insecurities where she is pushing you away to see if you are committed to sticking around.

Even though this could be coming from her insecurities, it isn’t a healthy way to deal with emotions and she will need to find other ways to communicate with you.

She Wants Attention

In her mind, the best way she feels to get attention from you is to be mean to you. It might not be positive attention that she gets in return, but it could just be what she is used to in relationships, but in any case, it is a really unhealthy trait.

Seeking attention through being mean to you is never going to steer your relationship in the right direction, and it is something that she needs to acknowledge and change.

Her Feelings Depend On You

Sometimes, one partner might make the other responsible for their feelings, and in your relationship, it could mean that your girlfriend relies on you to take responsibility for her feelings.

She would blame her emotions on you, and try to rely on you to pick her up. She does not take responsibility for dealing with her own emotions and moods, and this just leads to her taking it out on you further.

Understanding and being responsible for your own emotions is something everyone should learn to do, to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

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What To Do When Your Girlfriend Is Always Mean To You

Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they are constantly put down and treated badly, and if you find yourself in this position, then you need to try and solve the behavior. Here is what you can do:

Speak To Your Girlfriend

The first thing you should do is sit down and talk to your girlfriend. Ask her why she has been acting mean towards you and why she seems to have so much anger directed at you.

When having this conversation, make sure to not come across as too accusatory and seemingly blaming her for everything, but rather approach it as a conversation to try and find solutions for your relationship.

This might help her realize that she has been acting differently towards you, it could help her realize that she does need to make a change, or she could open up about any other problems you might be having.

Approach it as a couple, together, rather than one partner blaming the other.

Reevaluate Your Relationship

If a conversation, or a few, does not help bring about any resolution to your relationship and the way your girlfriend is treating you, then it might just be time to reevaluate your relationship, and whether or not it is the type of partnership you want going forward.

Taking a break or breaking up is never easy, but sometimes it is necessary for two people to end a relationship sooner rather than later, and just accept that they aren’t right for each other.

Your mental health deserves the attention and selfishness you can give it, and if it means removing yourself from a toxic relationship, then it is something you need to do.

Support And Care For Her

Her negative behavior towards you might be stemming from another issue she is having in her life, and it could be that she doesn’t even realize how she has been treating you. If she does realize that she has been mean to you, and wants to change, then you need to help her.

She likely needs your love and support to get through difficult times in her life, and the two of you might come out stronger on the other side.

Don’t Make Excuses For Here

All of this isn’t to say that you should ever make excuses for someone being consistently mean to you.

Sometimes people go through rough patches and they lash out at their loved ones (still not okay!) but there are people who are just consistently verbally abusive.

If your girlfriend is the latter, do not make excuses for her.

It’s time to pick up your things and move on.

You deserve someone kind, loving, and supportive. If she can’t be those things, you’re better off finding someone that can than hoping you can work through it.

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