You would want and expect your partner to only fantasize about you and the things that you do together, but they are just human at the end of the day, and there is the possibility that their mind might wander.
Even if your partner never acts on any fantasies that he has, you would still want to know if he is spending time fantasizing about someone else. There is a very thin line in the sand where fantasizing about someone else is okay, and where it becomes a problem.
If this is a concern of yours, there are some signs that you can look for that he might be fantasizing about someone else, and whether or not it is something that you need to worry about.
Read on to find out the signs that he is fantasizing about someone else, and how you can approach the situation.
Signs He Is Fantasizing About Someone Else
He Brings Up Someone’s Name In Conversation Out Of Nowhere
When your partner starts fantasizing about someone, and it becomes something they think of all day, and even if they try to hide it, you will notice them bringing up this person’s name in conversation often.
One trait we all share is not keeping things in when they excite us, and if his fantasies are exciting for him, he would speak about this person more, and he might not even realize that he is doing it.
It could just be dropping their name casually in conversation, or it might be him complimenting them, saying how great they are at something, or noticing them more when you are out.
If he suddenly starts bringing up someone’s name who he never spoke about before, then it could be a sign that he is developing some sort of an attraction to them.
He Has New Hobbies
Most of us pick up a new hobby or interest after something inspires us to do so, and he might be picking up a new hobby or interest to suit his fantasies and to improve himself for the person he is fantasizing about.
If this person is into running, then he might start running, or he might start hitting the gym more to look better for them.
After being with your partner for long, you will know them well enough to understand what it is they enjoy, and what they don’t enjoy, and if they suddenly change their behavior and take an interest in things that would never have interested them before, it could be a sign to worry.
They Hide Their Phone From You
Your partner hiding their phone from you can be really concerning, and it can be a sign that something is very off.
When your partner fantasizes about someone else, they could start hiding their phone from you. This does not necessarily mean that they are talking to this person or cheating on you, but it could be that they are looking them up on social media more and want to hide this from you.
If you notice that your partner has become more secretive with their phone, don’t automatically jump to the worst conclusion, and instead speak to them about it. They might even be planning a surprise for you!
Your Love Life Has Changed
Every relationship has its own form of intimacy and its own frequency of physical affection, but if you notice that your love life has suddenly changed and slowed down, then it could be cause for concern.
If he has fantasized about someone else, then it might put him off being intimate with you. He might still be intimate with you, but it could be less emotional and you would notice a change in the connection between the two of you.
When this happens, it might be worth chatting to your partner before assuming the worst, as there could be something else going on that could explain the sudden behavior change.
They Suggest Things You Could Change
Your partner has been happy and in love with you for the duration of your relationship, only to suddenly start suggesting things that you can change, he might be trying to make you more similar to the person he has been fantasizing about.
It could be dressing a certain way, having a new haircut or new hair color, or even as far as changing a part of your personality – whatever it is, any suggestions made between partners should be constructive, and should not be to try to change them into another person – especially if it is someone they are fantasizing about.
They Call You By Another Name
For the amount of time that you and your partner have been together, they should have no problem calling you by your name. If he suddenly slips and calls you by someone else’s name, it shows they are on his mind.
If it happens once, it could be completely innocent, but if it happens more than once and becomes a common thing, then it really is quite a big flag that someone else is playing on their mind!
You deserve to be with someone who thinks of you first, and who will not slip up and call you by someone’s name who they maybe wish you were.
He Seems Distracted
The two of you are on a date and you stare lovingly into his eyes – only to notice that he is fully distracted and is not there with you in the moment. This starts to happen more and more and he stops actually listening to the things that you are saying.
The time you spend together seems to include you being focussed and present, and him being distracted and not fully there, and this could be because he is wishing he was somewhere else and with someone else.
Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner can be really hard, and sometimes the reason that they are emotionally unavailable can be the hardest thing to deal with.
The fantasies your partner is having about someone else might have gone so far that they are now becoming emotionally unavailable to you, and all their time and emotions are focused on this imaginary relationship they are having with someone else.
It can be really difficult to come back from this, and it is unfair on you to be stuck with the work it takes to recover your relationship, but it is something you would need to decide on for yourself.
He Spends More Time Alone
You spent all your time together and enjoyed the time you had with each other until suddenly he starts spending more time on his own and you notice a drift between the two of you.
He might find it easier to indulge in his fantasies when he is on his own, and he might find that being with you just does not bring him the same amount of joy that it used to.
Over time, it could be that he starts to take this alone time to follow through on his fantasies, and once this happens, then it pretty much signs the deal on the closing of your relationship.
While you do not need to be together 24/7, you still need to have quality time as a couple.
He Suggests Hanging Out With Certain People More
If your partner is fantasizing about someone you both know, then he would likely want to spend more time with them, but he would not want to do it one-on-one as this would be way too obvious.
Instead, he might suggest that you all spend more time together hanging out so that he still sees this person, but that it does not seem suspicious. This could be a partner of a mutual friend or even a work colleague.
However, him asking to hang out with certain people more might be completely harmless and be no cause for concern, but if there are other signs that he has been thinking about a certain person more, then it is a red flag to consider.
Your Relationship Hits A Wall
Once he starts fantasizing about another woman, then it could land up having quite an effect on your relationship. He would be paying more attention to his fantasies than to you and this might mean that he stops putting effort into your relationship.
After time, this shows as your relationship does not progress any further. It is true that once you have been in a relationship long enough, things do calm down and plateau a bit, but you should still always feel like you are learning and maturing.
Once he stops putting effort into the relationship, and once he stops maturing and growing with you, it shows his attention is elsewhere, and not on you.
He Forgets The Little Things
A key part of a successful relationship is paying attention to the small things, and remembering the small details. It could be remembering an important date or even just turning up with a box of chocolates after a hard day.
When all of his time is spent thinking of someone else, he would probably start slipping on the smaller details and he will not go through the effort of showing you how much he cares anymore.
You are no longer the center of his attention and he is not focused on making you happy any longer. He will not turn up with the special gifts and he will forget small details, and over time it will make you feel really under-appreciated and quite lonely.
Conversations About The Future Stop
You might be waiting to take the next step in your relationship, such as buying a house, becoming engaged, or even having a baby, but he stops talking about the future, and all the plans you may have had have come to a stop.
There is no motivation or reason for him to think or talk of the future when he is fantasizing about time spent with someone else, and if you are the type of person who is always looking forward, this could be the first sign you notice.
It might not even be that he doesn’t think your relationship will last, but he is just so tied up in his own thoughts that he can’t see past them and make any change.
What To Do When He Is Fantasizing About Other Women
Having to deal with your partner fantasizing about other women or a specific person is no easy task, and it leaves you in limbo as to what you need to do.
If you think that your partner is fantasizing about other women, here is what you could do:
Talk To Him About It
It might be really hard to approach the situation, but you need to speak to him about this. Nothing changes if nothing changes, and both of you need to sit down and decide what the best way is to move forward.
He might admit to it outright and say that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, or he might realize that what he has been doing is not appropriate and maybe try harder to be a better partner for you.
Try to approach the conversation gently and not be too accusatory when talking to him about it. You want a resolution, not an argument.
Stand Up For What You Deserve
Don’t accept his behavior as okay just because you are afraid that your relationship might come to an end. You need to remind yourself of what you deserve and do what you have to to ensure you get it.
If your partner will not make any changes and not put you first, and is instead focused on someone else, then you need to decide if that is the type of person you want to be with.
You deserve to be with someone who puts you first and who sees you for who you are, and appreciates you for that! Anything less and you should show them the door.