What To Do When A Guy Pulls Away (17 MUST-KNOWS)

The relationship has been going really well and the two of you have been making good progress together, but all of a sudden he starts to feel distant, and your gut is telling you that something is not right.

If you feel like he is starting to pull away, it can be really concerning. Does it mean that the relationship is coming to an end? Should you be worried that there is something going on that you do not know about? Or are you just being paranoid?

What should you do when a guy pulls away? When you notice him starting to pull away, you need to have an open and honest conversation. You also need to keep focussing on yourself, and not pour all your energy into chasing after him.

There is obviously no clear answer to all of this, but you can try to understand the reasons why a guy might pull away, and what you can do if this does happen. To help you out, we have gone through it all for you, to try to give you a better understanding of it all, making any decisions you need to make a little clearer.

Is He Really Pulling Away?


There are many things that might cause you to feel insecure in your relationship, or develop a bit of a paranoid attitude towards how your partner acts. You may have been burned in a past relationship, or your partner might have done something similar before.

If you feel as though your partner is pulling away, then you should first ask yourself the following questions to make sure you are not overthinking it all:

Am I Being Obsessive?

You might have a bit of extra time on your hands, or you might be looking too deep into your relationship, and when you do this, it can be easy to notice small things you may never have noticed before, and then overthink things.

You might start seeing things that aren’t even there, and come up with your own conclusions in your head. 

Try and take a step back if you think this might be happening. You might then notice that nothing is any different and it was all in your head, or you might still pick up on signs that he is pulling away and acting distant.

Are You Feeling Insecure In The Relationship?

If you feel insecure in your relationship, whether because of insecurities you hold yourself, or from past relationships, then you might have the habit of making a mountain out of a molehill, and exaggerating everything your partner does.

This could also present as anxiety with dating. You might think that your partner not replying to one text means that they are definitely with another girl and have forgotten about you – and you always just seem to jump to the worst conclusions.

It might very well be that your partner is acting distant, but if you think that you have insecurities or anxiety in your relationship, then this is something you need to work on, whether on your own, with your partner, or with a therapist.

Why Do Guys Pull Away?

Why a guy pulls away will depend on his relationship, his emotional maturity, and what is going on in his life at that moment.

When you pick up on signs that your partner is pulling away, you would obviously want to know why he is doing so, and if there is anything you can do to stop it.

Here are some of the most common reasons why a guy might pull away:

He Is Afraid Of Commitment

He might have been happy with the relationship that the two of you have shared, but as time passes and things become more serious, he might start feeling afraid of the commitment.

When it was fun and casual between the two of you, he didn’t have to think too far ahead, but now that things are moving on to the next stage, he has to think about whether or not a committed, long-term relationship is something that he wants.

For many guys, this can be really daunting, and the fear can pop up out of nowhere. He might pull away for some time to come to terms with the commitment he is making, or he might pull away to try and distance himself from you, and to try to win some of his freedom back.

He Is Losing Interest

Unfortunately, one reason he might be pulling away is that he is losing interest in you and the relationship. He probably hasn’t figured out what he is going to do yet, whether it is just a passing phase or whether he wants to end things, and this is why he is acting distant.

Nobody wants to learn that their partner isn’t interested in them anymore, but it is something that happens often, and unfortunately, it is something that you just sometimes cannot avoid. Once someone is losing interest, pulling away is naturally the next step.

External Factors Are Taking A Toll

He might not be pulling away because of something that has happened in your relationship or even have anything to do with you.

It could be that there are external factors that are stressing him out, and this stress is causing him to be distant. It could be issues at work, with friends, family, or even with his health. Pulling away might be the defense mechanism he turns to naturally.

He likely just needs time to himself to think these things through. He might not come to you with these problems because he doesn’t want to burden you, or he doesn’t feel like you would understand.

There Is Someone Else

This is possibly the worst-case scenario, you never want to find out that your man is seeing someone else, or even just talking to someone online.

He might have found someone that he feels connected to, and even if he doesn’t act on this, it might be really confusing for him, and it causes him to pull away from you.

He could be pulling away from you because he feels guilty, or it could be because he thinks he might want to see where it could go with this other person.

Signs That He Is Pulling Away

Couple hugging in the woods

It definitely helps to look out for some signs that he is pulling away, just so you can be sure of what you suspect before speaking to him about it – you don’t want to cause issues for no reason.

These are some signs that he is pulling away, so take a read through and keep a close eye on his behavior to pick up any red flags:

He Is Less Responsive

Are your conversations now short and one-sided, and does he make less of an effort when talking to you? When he is pulling away, he won’t want to engage in conversation as much, and he won’t feel motivated to put in the effort with you.

This will become obvious after some time when you look back and realize the way he interacts with you has changed, and it just isn’t what it used to be.

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He Becomes Flaky

The two of you used to hang out together all the time and make an effort to find some spare quality time for each other, only for him to start becoming flaky and letting you down.

His actions and his plans with you become inconsistent, and he doesn’t seem to want to be around you anymore. He might also claim to be busier, which means he is unable to see you as often.

He Isn’t Affectionate

The soft touches, forehead kisses, and hand-holding seem to have dwindled down to next to nothing, and the affection between the two of you becomes non-existent, or it becomes very one-sided (from your side)

As relationships mature and go on for longer, the affection can be toned down naturally, but if this happens suddenly, and he seems to almost shun away from it, then it is something to be concerned about.

He Becomes Short-Tempered

When a guy starts pulling away, he might become snappy and short-tempered with you. He will find things to argue about and have something negative to say for just about everything you do.

The way he feels about you has changed, and this has confused him to the point where he does not actually know how to act around you, no matter how unfair this is to you.

He Becomes Vague

He doesn’t tell you where he has been or what he has been up to, and you feel as though you are just a blindfolded bystander in his life. 

He starts spending more time away from you and is vague on what he has been doing and who he has been speaking to. This just shows that he is becoming more distant from you and the relationship.

Your Gut Tells You So

Your subconscious mind will pick up on red flags that you might not be able to notice, and this could translate to a very strong gut feeling you have that he really is pulling away. The way he is acting has changed, and it is not for the better.

Listen to your gut, and try to pick up on some signs that he is pulling away, but do not act on your gut feeling until you know for sure.

How To Make Him Chase You After He Pulls Away

couple having a picnic

Seeing your partner pull away from you can be so concerning. The plans and dreams you had for yourself as a couple seem to be slipping away, and you might feel completely helpless.

This could make you really tempted to try to get him to chase after you again, but you need to take a step back. You chasing after him or trying to get him to chase after you, might just push him away even more, so you have to avoid doing this.

Here are some of the best things that you can do when you notice your partner starting to pull away:

Do Not Overwhelm Him

You need to avoid overwhelming him with constant accusations about why he might be pulling away, and forcing him to tell you what is going on.

If his reason for pulling away has nothing to do with you or your relationship, this will just cause animosity in the relationship. He would need someone to support him through, even quietly from the sideline, not someone adding to the stress.

He might also just need time to figure out where his head is at in the relationship, and being bombarded by you might just cause him to become more distant and even end things prematurely.

Take a step back, hold your tongue, and see how it plays out for a little while first, giving him his space to figure things out. If it doesn’t change and he only becomes more distant, then you can do something about it.

Stay Positive

The best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship stay positive. Yes, dealing with a partner who is pulling away can be really tough, but you need to do your best to not let it bring you down.

Him being distant does not mean your relationship is doomed, and the way you act can actually determine how it all plays out. Carrying on with a positive attitude might be the encouragement he needs to find his way back to you or to get through a difficult patch in his life.

Staying positive also means you do not fall into a dark hole. If things do go south and it doesn’t work out between the two of you, then at least you will be in a better place, and you can rest assured knowing you at least tried to keep a positive mindset throughout it all.

Be Patient

If he is going through a tough patch and is acting distant because of it, then you just need to be patient. He will work his way through it, and it will be easier for him to do so if you give him his space.

Even if he is having doubts about your relationship, some patience and some space can be just what he needs to figure things out on his own. You might not feel so comfortable with giving him the space and time he needs, but if you think the relationship has the potential to make it all the way, then it would be worth it in the end.

Speak To Him

If you feel as though the two of you can sit down together to talk about why he is acting the way he is without arguing, then it is definitely worth doing this.

Don’t bombard him with the conversation when you can see that something is already stressing him out, but rather wait until the two of you are in a good space to chat about what is going on.

This is the best way to work out what might be going on, and it could be what the two of you need to work through things and move forward.

Focus On You

No matter how stressed you might be with your partner pulling away, you need to stay focussed on yourself.

Keep doing the things that make you happy, and keep up with friends and your support group. If your partner needs your help going through a difficult time, he would need you to be strong enough for the both of you.

If it turns out that the relationship has run its course and it ends, then at least you have spent your time building yourself up and focussing on what is important to you, which will really help you move on when things end.

Know When Enough Is Enough

It is all fair and well giving your partner time to work out what is going on with them and to make it through any stress they are experiencing, but there comes a point where they choose to be distant, and when this happens, you need to know when enough is enough.

If they are making no effort to find their way back to you, and the relationship has become very one-sided and difficult, then you need to decide what is best for you.

You and him can have the same conversation a hundred times over about him making more of an effort and not being so distant anymore, but if he shows no sign of changing, then maybe it is you that needs to make the change.

You deserve to be with someone who values you and who will give you what you need in a relationship, and if he isn’t giving you that, then you need to put yourself first.

Leaving him might be hard, but after some time, you will realize that it was for the best, especially if he was never making an effort for you.

What To Text When He Pulls Away

Chatting to someone new over text and them pulling away after things have been going really well is fairly different to a partner pulling away after being in a relationship for some time.

If you have been texting someone and it has been going so well, with great back-and-forth conversation and sparks flying, only to have him pull away and become distant, you would obviously want to try and see if there is still a chance things might work out.

Here is what you can text when he pulls away, without coming across too strong:

Tell Him You’re There For Him

It might be something completely unrelated from you that is causing him to pull away, and texting him to let him know that you are there for him might be a big step in your friendship/relationship.

Don’t force him to talk about it, but rather just let him know that he can come to you if he needs someone to talk to.

Only do this if you are pretty certain he is going through something though! If he is trying to ghost you and you text something along the lines of ‘I’ll always be here for you’ he may just run away faster.

Let Him Know Where You Stand

Without coming across too strong, you should let him know where you stand in it all. Tell him that you have noticed that he has become distant and that you appreciate him as a person or a friend, but you cannot continue on if he is going to act this way.

This might scare him off, but at the end of the day, you would only want to spend time and effort on someone who is going to be worth it, and who is going to stick around.

Be Casual

The two of you might not know each other well enough to dive deep into these issues, so it is best to keep your texts casual. Ask about his day, his hobbies, and if he wants to hang out soon.

Keep it light and fun, and the moment you realize that he just isn’t putting in the effort anymore, move on. 

It doesn’t have to be some big occurrence, but just two people realizing they aren’t right for each other.

What To Do When A Guy Pulls Away

How you react to a guy pulling away depends on numerous things. It depends on your relationship, what is causing him to act this way, and whether he is willing to make an effort to try and bridge the gap that has formed between the two of you.

Give him some space to deal with what he is feeling, but make sure to put yourself first if he continues on like this for too long and is not making an effort to fix the distance between you.

Sit him down and speak to him about what has changed and if there is anything you can do to help, and move forward from there. Not all issues can be fixed, so make sure to be open about what you need to do going forward, and always focus on yourself and what you want.

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