Everyone knows how difficult a breakup can be and how much more painful it is going through a breakup when you are the one being dumped.
Being dumped is one of the most painful things in the world, especially when you are blindsided by it.
There are so many different and difficult emotions that you go through when you are dumped, and this can be made even worse if you are picking up on hints that your ex might want you back.
The last thing you need to try and move on from your past relationship is mixed signals from your ex! Or maybe you are looking for signs your ex wants you back? No judgment whatsoever; we have all been there.
Lord knows I have micro-analyzed any and all situations to see if my ex regrets dumping me. But you have to be careful when looking for these obvious signs the dumper wants you back.
So I have compiled a list of the most obvious signs to look for that the dumper might want you back. But fair warning, just because someone does regret dumping you, doesn’t mean they will be a good partner to you.
They can simply be bored, lonely, or thought the grass was greener on the other side.
But you’re smart! So we will just give you the clear signs that your ex wants you back so you can decide what to do next, whether you want to give it a second go, or cut ties and move on completely…
Signs The Dumper Wants You Back
They Try To Stay In Touch
The first and possibly biggest sign, that the dumper wants you back, is when they try to stay in touch with you, especially when there is no reason to stay in touch.
If the two of you didn’t have any kids together, a lease, or anything significant that would tie you to one another – there is no reason for them to be reaching out.
Moving on after a breakup requires you to have your own space, to build yourself up again, without having your ex messaging you and trying to reach out to you. Your ex, having broken up with you, should also want this space too.
They have decided to leave you and find someone else, for whatever reason. So why are they still in touch?
If they keep messaging you, calling you, or contacting you to see how you’re doing, it shows that they are not over you yet, at least not completely, and they may still care for you.
Just keep the tone of conversation in mind, if your ex is bitter or resentful, this could come through in text, and this isn’t an indication they want you back.
However, if they have a caring tone and are genuinely interested in what you have to say, they are not over you yet.
Be careful navigating this, though. Keeping in touch with an ex brings up a lot of painful emotions and makes it a lot harder to move on, heal, and start a new relationship.
They Display Jealousy
Your feelings don’t disappear immediately after a breakup, and it is common to feel jealous seeing your partner with someone else, but if your ex goes out of their way to display jealousy after the breakup, it shows that they still have feelings for you.
This could be you starting to go on dates with other people or even hanging out with friends. They would be jealous that you are looking to date someone else or just that you are spending your time with other people and look happy without them.
Jealousy can be destructive, and there is a very fine line between your ex being slightly jealous because they miss you and still have feelings for you and your ex displaying toxic behaviors to try and ruin any relationship you have going forward.
I would say that although jealousy is one of many signs your ex may want you back, it is one of the signs you should avoid reading into the most.
At the end of the day, they dumped you. Okay? They dumped you, and now that you are happy and moving on, they decide to care?
No, that doesn’t fly. I don’t think jealousy should ever be reason enough to give someone a second chance.
There is a good chance that if you do, they’ll be happy they ‘got you’ again (for about a millisecond,) but whatever caused them to break up with you in the first place will still be an issue in their mind.
And before you know it, they suddenly disappear and BOOM! You’re back to grieving a relationship you should have been long over.
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They Try To Make You Jealous
Other than being jealous of you going on dates and spending time with other people, your ex might try to make you jealous. To get some sort of a reaction out of you, to validate that you might still have feelings for them.
They will try to make you jealous through many different means, whether it is posting pics of them out and about on social media, or telling your family and friends how great their life is going.
Them actively trying to make you jealous shows that there are still unresolved emotions there and that they still have feelings for you. They are looking for reassurance that you still have feelings for them.
However flattering this might be, them trying to make you jealous, isn’t a healthy trait. Trying to get a negative reaction from you just to validate their feelings is a sign of immaturity.
They Keep You Involved In Their Life
Your ex would want to keep you involved and updated in their life after the breakup if they still have feelings for you. They still view you as an important part of their life and this means that they would want to share news and updates about their life with you.
This could be giving you an update on work, letting you know about a new restaurant they have tried out or speaking to you about a show they watched that you might have recommended to them.
This all shows that they still view you as a main player in their life, and their positive emotions are still tied to you, and they would want to share everything that happens with you.
Unlike the previously mentioned pretty obvious signs the dumper wants you back, this one isn’t toxic.
It could simply be a good sign they want to keep you in their life.
However, this can make it hard to move on, so you’ll have to decide whether or not you want to grant them this access to you.
They Ask For Your Help
Your ex, if they want to get back together with you, would look for any way to keep you in their life. To keep injecting themselves into your life slowly.
If they have run out of things to talk about and if they can’t find another way to keep themselves involved with you, they could ask for your help with certain things. Likely where your help isn’t really needed.
They would come up with an excuse to see you, whether it be asking you to help them change a car tire, asking you to help them out with something at home, or even just asking for your recommendation on something.
“What was the name of that pen you really liked?” Yes, I’ve received that text message…
If you know that this could all be done by someone else and it really does not have to be you, then take it as a sign that they definitely do want you back in their life.
Or, at the very least, aren’t ready to let go completely.
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They Try To Show You How They’ve Grown
Often, breakups happen when partners are in different stages in their life, where one might be moving on and maturing faster than the other and they just aren’t on the same page anymore.
If you think this might be one of the reasons you and your ex broke up, even if it was them breaking up with you because you wanted something more mature and serious, then they might try to show you that they want you back by proving how much they have grown.
They could be doing a lot better now, with a new job, a better attitude, and a willingness to be in a long-term, committed relationship. They could be trying to show you all of this through social media, or by dropping hints.
They would be doing this to prove that they are worth being with now and that they can offer you more than they did the first time round. There is a chance this means they could be a better, healthier partner, but it is a decision that you should not take lightly.
I will say… I am adamantly against getting back with exes. I truly am.
But if there is one circumstance I think it may be okay to make your old beau your new boo, it may be if they have grown (and a significant amount of time has passed!)
I’m not talking you guys broke up two weeks ago, and now he’s matured. No, I’m talking about a breakup that occurred two years ago, and you both have done some healing, growing, and introspection.
They Bring Up Memories
When you dump someone, it is normal behavior to try to move on as best you can, and it isn’t healthy to constantly reminisce through old, happy memories you had together, let alone share them with your ex.
If your ex, who dumped you, keeps messaging you or bringing up memories of the two of you together, especially if they are happy, nostalgic memories, then it shows that they are not over you. They may still view you as a partner and your past relationship as a positive thing.
The problem with this is that we are all guilty of romanticizing our past relationships and have a tendency to forget all of the bad bits.
Don’t fall into the trap of only remembering the good times with your ex, and not considering all the reasons why it didn’t work and why you actually broke up to begin with. However, your ex trying to remember the good times with you shows that they are not fully over it yet.
Keep in mind that the relationship ended for a reason, and these happy memories are just that… Memories.
They Take Responsibility For Their Part In The Breakup
Someone who does not want to mend broken bridges or who has no intentions on getting back together will not put their neck on the line to take responsibility for the breakup. Either because they just want to move on or because they really couldn’t care less about it.
So, when your ex stands up and tries to take responsibility for what they have done, or the role they played in the breakup, it shows that they want to mend bridges and they do see a future with you in their life, and hopefully, it is a positive one.
They think that by admitting where they went wrong and where they might have hurt you, and taking responsibility for their role, they might prove to you that they are willing to work to be a better person and a better partner should you get back together.
They Check In On You With Mutual Friends
Your ex might not feel comfortable or ready to check up on you through messages or calls just yet. But this doesn’t stop them from wanting to find out how you are and what you have been up to.
In this situation, they would then check up on you with mutual friends and family members they feel comfortable talking to. This indicates that they are still invested in your well-being, and they want to make sure that you are okay and doing well.
It could also be that they are keeping a check to see whether you have moved on, have had any rebound relationships, or if there is still a chance that the two of you might work out in the future.
They Compliment You
Moving on from your ex who dumped you can be made so much more difficult if they still compliment you and send you sweet texts. It’s not fair on you, as you deserve the space you need to move on from them, without them pulling you back in.
Every time your ex contacts it can feel like you’re taking ten steps back in the healing process.
Your ex might have realized how much they love you, or their feeling for you resurfaced after you broke up. This can make them see you through rose-colored glasses again.
This could encourage them to compliment you, to try and win you back.
They might comment on pictures you post on social media, they might compliment you in person, or send you sweet texts. This attention can feel great, especially if you weren’t ready for the breakup, but don’t fall into the trap too easily.
It does show that they are paying attention to you and they care for you, but it does not erase all the bad parts of your relationship.
You can stay on good terms with your ex, but don’t let their sweet nothings cloud your judgment.
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They Haven’t Moved On
Often after a breakup, the person who ended it seems to move on quickly, going on dates and putting themselves out there more, while the one who was dumped takes a little longer.
However, if your ex broke up with you, and even if they went through a quick fling of dates and hook-ups, only for them to stop and not move on for the longest time, it does show that they miss you, and they miss the relationship you had.
It might have taken them some time to realize that you are the person they want to be with, and they don’t want to move on to anyone else, which is why they seem stuck in place while you move forward.
But finding the right person and dating, in general, can be hard, and your ex may just be taking some time for themselves.
This is one of those signs I would say isn’t worth analyzing under a microscope. Don’t make the mistake of reading into little details.
They Don’t Seem Happy
Breakups are not easy, and they are upsetting, confusing, and a whirlwind of emotions. It is normal to feel down and heartbroken when a relationship ends, even if you are the one who ends it.
However, there does come a point where the hurt stops, and you move on, but if your ex is not over you and does not want to move on, then they won’t get past the heartbreak. It might even take longer for them to realize how hurt they really are.
If you have processed your emotions, been through the hurt, and moved on, only for your ex to seem miserable and not want to move on, then there is a chance that they do want to get back with you.
However, it’s really hard to know someone’s mental state, and their social media posts are definitely not a clear indicator.
It is generally a good rule not to try and figure out whether an ex is happy or not. You will drive yourself insane micro analyzing their Instagram posts and any little thing they tweet.
They Follow You On Social Media
After a breakup, you usually want to avoid images of your ex, and updates on their life, and this means avoiding them on social media, even if just for a while.
If your ex still follows you, interacts with you on social media and likes your posts, comments often, then it shows that they still want to be involved in your life and they are hoping to creep back in slowly over time.
Just keep in mind what you are comfortable with, and if you feel bombarded with their attention, then you are allowed to block them, to give yourself the chance to move on.
This can also be a very common thing known as ‘orbiting.’
I’m not going to go into it in this article because that’s a whole ‘nother subtopic! But orbiting is when an ex, or anyone you were somewhat involved with, doesn’t want to be with you but still keeps in touch, watches your ig stories, and basically ‘orbits’ you.
This, according to psychologists, makes it hard to move on completely. It gives you hope and keeps the pain alive.
Iif you think your ex is orbiting you, one of the best things you can do for your love life is block and move on!
Should You Take Your Ex Back After They Dumped You?
It’s only natural to wonder what if and get excited whenever you hear from an ex.
But I very rarely think it’s a good idea to get back with an ex. Unless enough time has passed and you are both willing to work through whatever fork in the road you encountered, it’s very likely the moment has passed.
Once a relationship has been damaged and broken, sweet words aren’t enough to fix it. You can miss your ex and even admit you are having a hard time moving on, but I promise you, you’ll get over them and meet someone who would never dream of breaking up with you.
At the end of the day, your ex decided to break off contact and start dating other people. They knew all your amazing qualities and what you had to offer but still chose to go find a better match.
I don’t know you personally, but I know you deserve a love from someone who wouldn’t toss you aside so easily. Who would work on the relationship, and if they did want you back, would be direct and communicate clearly, not send mixed signals on social media platforms like a child.
That’s my two cents. Go off and make the best decision for YOU and YOUR situation. Every relationship is different and only you know yours, your heart, and what would make you truly happy.