5 Reasons Situationship Breakups Hurt More Than Actual Relationships

Situationships can be exhausting, especially when they come to an end.

If you’ve experienced a situationship breakup, you know how painful it can be. There really are two main reasons these breakups hurt so much more than regular relationships.

And they are the potential and emotional investment in the idea of the person, not who they actually are.

Because let’s be real, who they are is a person who isn’t giving you the love and attention you deserve.

Who they are is someone who doesn’t fully see your value, because if they did, they wouldn’t let you go so easily..

So it’s the potential you saw in them and the emotional investment you (mentally) poured into that potential.

Let’s go a little deeper…

Why Situationship Breakups Hurt More Than Actual Relationships

You Became Addicted to Them

The intense emotions you felt during the early stages of your relationship can be addictive. Love drugs such as oxytocin, dopamine, beta-endorphin, and serotonin flood your brain, creating a rush of positive feelings.

As with any addiction, you crave more of it. You become dependent on the highs that come with being in love.

When your relationship ends suddenly, you are left without the source of your addiction. You are cut off from the intense feelings of love, and your body goes into withdrawal. This withdrawal is what makes the pain so intense.

In contrast, when you are in a long-term relationship, the initial rush of emotions decreases over time. You develop a tolerance for the love drug, and the highs are not as intense. This tolerance makes it easier to handle the end of a long-term relationship.

Kimberly Rae, a relationship coach, discusses this topic on her TikTok account. Her insights may be helpful if you are struggling to cope with the end of a situationship.

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You Were Left In Limbo

Human beings don’t like grey areas. They like to understand what is and isn’t happenning.

And situationships are anything but clear.

You never understand where you stand with the other person. if they care about you, truly. If it’s just physical.

And the brain doesn’t like that level of uncertainty. It wants to understand the world around it and make sense of the situation.

It’s like trying to build a house on shifting sands—no matter how much you invest, the foundation remains unstable, clouding your emotional well-being with relentless doubts.

and that level of instability leaves you emotionally drained and constantly ruminating about the situation.

You Were Emotionally Invested

One of the most painful aspects of a situationship is the emotional investment that you put into it. You’re in too deep to just be friends, but not quite ready for a real relationship.

You know that being emotionally invested in this situationship is the definition of self-sabotage, but you just can’t help yourself.

Typically, in a situatonship you are putting in all the effort of a real relationship without any of the reciprocation from the other person.

You’re making the same level of commitment, but you’re not getting the same level of commitment back. This can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, and disappointment.

The fact that you were emotionally invested in the situationship is what makes the breakup so painful.

You held onto the hope that it would eventually turn into a real relationship, but it didn’t. Now, you’ve drained all the emotions you had and are left with a sense of loss and heartbreak.

It’s natural to feel pain after a situationship breakup because you invested so much time and energy into something that didn’t work out.

You may feel like you wasted your time and emotions, but remember that every experience is a lesson learned. Take this as an opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes, and eventually, you’ll find the right person for you.

You Saw The Potential

When you’re in a situationship, you’re essentially dating potential. You’re dating with the idea that this could lead to something more.

You create scenarios in your head of what your life could be like with this person. You might think about how much fun it would be to travel the world together or attend music festivals.

In a situationship, you’re dealing with the death of that potential when it ends. You’re left with the realization that your idealized fantasy of what could be will never come to fruition. It can be painful to let go of the idea of what could have been.

It’s easy to romanticize a relationship that never truly existed. You might find yourself thinking about all the things that could have made it perfect. When a situationship ends, you’re left with the pain of knowing that your fantasy never got off the ground.

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You Needed Closure

One of the most challenging aspects of a situationship breakup is the lack of closure. In a real relationship, there is something concrete to end, but situationships are undefined and often lack clarity. You made a commitment, but the least you can do is end it properly.

It’s the hope that hurts and disappoints you. You’re constantly thinking, “Oh okay, I haven’t heard from them today, but maybe tomorrow they’ll text me.”

It’s important to remember that disrespect is all the closure you’ll ever need. Don’t allow yourself to be strung along or disrespected in any way. It’s time to let go and move on.

How Do I Stop Ruminating About My Ex-Situationship?

To stop ruminating about your ex-situationship, start by acknowledging and accepting your feelings; it’s okay to grieve what could have been.

Allow your thoughts to come and play out, but don’t let them overstay their welcome.

Once a thought has come, as yourself ‘does this thought serve me?’

Most likely, no. It just hurts you.

Let that thought go. Redirect your focus to self-care and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga to stay present and reduce dwelling on the past.

Creating a support network of friends and family can provide a sounding board and emotional support. It’s also helpful to set specific goals for personal growth and hobbies to keep your mind engaged.

Remember, self-compassion is key—avoid self-criticism and understand that healing is a process. Lastly, if the rumination persists, seeking professional counseling can provide additional strategies and support for moving forward.

The Closure You Needed

When you’re in a situationship, it’s easy to convince yourself that you have a future with that person. However, when the rejection comes, it can be devastating.

It’s like betting everything you own on something that has a 50% chance of failure. The title and length of time don’t determine the threshold of your pain.

Emotions are measured by your experience, and unfortunately, situationships tend to have plenty of them. The closure you needed may not come easy, but it’s important to remember that you deserve it.