The saying “you don’t choose who you fall in love with”, is unfortunately very true at times. Unfortunately, sometimes we end up falling in love with someone who cannot love us back the way we deserve.
One common situation is falling in love with a married man, who is not prepared to leave his wife and life behind to be with you, but who strings you along and eventually breaks your heart.
First of all: Let me say there is no judgment here. Unless you went out of your way to seduce a married man. Then yes, I am judging, and that isn’t right. But I’m not your mother, and I’m (hopefully) not that man’s wife – so who cares what I think?
But now…. if you were lied to, lead on, or slowly fell in love with a colleague or friend who happened to be married, you have my sympathies. Truly.
Getting over this heartbreak is different from a normal relationship. You are almost mourning something you never had and there can definitely overwhelming guilt in there as well.
Plus, seeing them ‘happy’ and moving on with their partner while you’re left behind can be a special type of pain I don’t wish on anyone.
So let’s get into how to get over a married man, what you can do to move on, and how to heal during this very tough and trying time.
How To Get Over A Married Man
Block His Number
The first thing you should do is stop texting him block his number!
There is absolutely nothing that could come from speaking to him over text, it is not like he is suddenly going to turn his life upside down and leave his wife for you.
Keeping the conversation alive with him only means that he can reel you back in and this just prolongs the heartbreak more.
He is probably really skilled at giving you hope (read: breadcrumbing!) that the two of you will be together, but at the end of the day, he is a married man, and it is all just a fantasy.
Block his number as soon as possible and avoid any urges you might have to contact him.
The only way to break free is to go zero contact with him.
Now, I can hear some of you. “But I work with him!,” “He is my boss, he needs to be able to contact me” or “we’ve been friends for years! I can’t just block him.”
Yes, you can. You absolutely can.
Now, if he’s your boss or anything like that, you can absolutely block his personal number and set some boundaries.
There is no reason for him to contact you from his cellphone or be texting you (especially late at night.) He can (and must) keep it professional by sending emails or reaching you from the office during business hours.
So I don’t want to hear excuses. Block him now, and let’s move on to tip number two, which is pretty similar and surprisingly harder for some…
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Unfollow Him On Social Media
If you follow each other on social media, it is MANDATORY that you unfollow him and even take it a step further by blocking him.
The last thing you need is to see updates on his life, especially since he would likely be posting more pics of his wife and family if the two of you call things off.
Seeing constant reminders of him online will only make it harder for you to get over him and there is no reason to torture yourself with this.
You’re both going your separate ways and there is no reason to keep tabs on each others lives.
He might also try to contact you on social media, so blocking him cuts all possible methods of contact he might try and sends a strong message.
Plus it gives you a clean break to move on!
Removing them from your social media is vital for your well being. Seriously, it affects your brain!
Seeing his pictures and life updates reinforces your neural pathways in a pattern of rumination that causes depression and anxiety.
Beyond that (although that should be reason enough) it extends your grief and prevents healing.
Meet New People
One of the best ways to forget about someone is to meet new people.
This doesn’t mean you have to meet someone to start dating, but to expand your friend circle and find people who you enjoy being around.
You probably already have a friend group, but meeting new people also gives you something new to focus on, and you never know who you might come across.
And if you don’t have an existing social circle, this is a great time to find a grow one. Bumble BFF, MeetUp, joining literally any club! Just put yourself out there a bit and take the initiative to invite someone out for coffee.
New friends, new hobbies, and new adventures are great to take your mind off of him, and hopefully, you end up meeting people in the same place in life as you.
Remember, your mind can only focus on one thing at a time. So many women find solice throwing themselves into new hobbies and actvities.
Doing this can lead to a wider friend group, more social outings, and less time thinking about him.
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Understand Your Situation Properly
It can be difficult to rationalize your situation when you believe you are in love and you have found the one but then it all comes crashing down!
It can be so easy to feel guilty and blame yourself for it.
You need to give yourself a break and realize that he is a married man who is being unfaithful and your judgment was just off.
Putting feelings aside, you need to remember that a relationship with a married man will never work, no matter how much you might like or love him.
If he hasn’t left his wife already, then he likely won’t, and you will be kept as the mistress for as long as you will allow it.
Also, consider the fact that he has been cheating on his wife. Even if he does leave her to be with you, who is to say he won’t do the exact same thing to you later on?
As the saying goes, the way you get them is how you’ll lose them.
It is a tough situation to be in, but it has a very clear ending, you need to move on and leave him behind, and he needs to sort his marriage out without you in the picture.
The right person for you would never put you in this predicament to start. Although it may feel bad, you need to be honest with yourself and realize he isn’t good to you and he’ll never be good for you.
Invest In Yourself
You deserve so much more than being with a married man, and you definitely don’t deserve to be second best to anyone else.
However, being put in that situation, you might not believe it to be true. It is worth investing in yourself and working on building your self esteem to feel like you do deserve the best.
Dating a married man and being left or used can absolutely take an atomic bomb to your self-worth.
Put more time into work, pick up a new hobby, start exercising, and practice more self-care. Do what makes you feel good and what makes you feel valuable.
You deserve the world, sometimes, you just have to put a little bit of work in to remind yourself that.
Once you start realizing your worth, it will be easy to move on from a man who didn’t see you as being worth his full attention and loyalty.
If you feel you need more help to get there, professional help is always a great option. Sometimes we can’t figure out why our self-esteem and self-worth is so low.
A mental health professional may be a great way to dive deep, unlearn these negative thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors.
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Embrace Your Emotions
You might want to move on from the situation quickly, especially if it had a messy ending, I get it.
But one of the most important things you can do after a relationship with a married man (or with anyone else really) is to embrace your emotions!
Your emotions are not just going to go away if you ignore them, and the sooner you address them and allow yourself to feel them, the sooner you will be able to move on.
You can’t get over things, you can only get through them.
There is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a relationship with a married man. The feelings you had for him were real and you need to give yourself enough time to feel the heartbreak, the anger, and anything else that comes with the end of your relationship.
Without allowing yourself to embrace your emotions, no matter how hard, you will never be able to move on fully.
Speak To Someone
Not only will you be going through the emotions of breaking up with someone and losing them in your life, but you will also have all the added emotions and stress of being with a married man.
This can sometimes be very overwhelming, and it might be worth speaking to someone about this. It could be a friend, a family member, an online support group, or even a counselor.
Give yourself the support you need to be able to move on, even if you might need a little more help than usual.
Speaking to a professional can also help you process the different emotions you have, and help you understand your situation better.
It might be just what you need to move on and the coping mechanisms will help you throughout life.
If you don’t want to go to therapy, just make sure you have at least one person you can talk to. Someone you can be raw and vulnerable with.
Do Not Look Up His Family
You might be tempted to look up his wife on social media platforms. Anyone would be.
You want to see who she is and whether she posts photos of him and possibly their family, but it is imperative to avoid any urge to do this! Yes. Imperatives!
This will bring no solace to you, and it will only bring up more negative emotions that he chose to stay with his wife rather than be with you.
His wife is also a victim in all of this. Don’t forget that.
She is the one whose husband has been cheating, lying, and manipulating and it is best to just leave her out of it altogether.
Plus you’ll find yourself comparing yourself to her, even if just subconsciously. I’m telling you, unrequited love sucks, but poking a wound constantly won’t make it heal any quicker.
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Put Yourself Out There
When you feel ready, it is worth putting yourself out there and going on a date or two.
Avoid going on dates with married men and find someone who is single and who is at the same stage in life as you.
Try online dating sites (but remember to be safe), meet someone new at a new sports club, gym, or at a coffee shop – whatever works. However, do not rush into anything, and take it slowly.
Sometimes, starting off as friends is best, and allowing something to naturally develop from there is better, but only do this if you feel completely ready.
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As the married man cheating on his wife, he is in the wrong and has his own forgiveness to seek, but you also need to figure out how to forgive yourself.
You will likely feel guilty, and ashamed, that you allowed yourself to become involved with a married man, both because it lowers what you actually deserve, and because it isn’t fair on his wife.
While it might be difficult, you have to forgive yourself at some point. It happened, you have learned from it, and there is nothing more you can do. You have to forgive yourself in order to move on.
Find A Distraction
In the days, weeks, and even months after breaking up with a married man, you will find yourself thinking of him, and sometimes you might even be tempted to reach out to him.
You need to do your best to fight this, and the best way is to find something to distract you when these thoughts pop up.
If you find yourself starting to think of him, go for a run, put on a song that makes you happy, or phone a friend as a distraction.
After some time, you won’t have to actively distract yourself, and the thoughts of him will eventually die down to a soft whisper.
See A Relationship Coach
You need to ask yourself why you ended up with a married man in the first place, and whether or not this is something you sought out because of insecurities or other issues you may have.
Speaking to a relationship coach can help you break down why you might have found a relationship with a married man attractive, and what you can work on to try and heal the parts of you that want that type of toxic relationship.
Not only will they help you see the relationship for what it is, but they will give you good coping mechanisms to move on, and good tools to use to identify a healthy relationship later on as well.
Don’t Fall Back Into His Trap
There is a good chance that he might try and worm his way back into your life again, promising you the world and giving you all the attention you could want, but you need to do your best to ignore this.
You need to remember that at the end of the day, he is still a married man, and he would always land up in bed next to his wife after his time spent with you.
The gifts he buys you, the sweet texts he sends, and the promises he makes, mean nothing, and you need to block and ignore him in order to move on.
Make it clear to him that you are not interested, and this should hopefully strengthen you in the moments when you feel vulnerable to his approaches too.
Take A Trip
Sometimes the best way to get your mind off of something (or someone) is to take a trip somewhere new. This doesn’t have to be anywhere too exotic or expensive, but taking a break from it all and experiencing new places can really give you a good perspective of things.
It will take you out of the environment where
you might feel more vulnerable to his advances, and you get to spend time on yourself and finding new adventures.
Go with a friend or on your own, whatever you feel more comfortable with, and just enjoy being in the moment and being somewhere new.
It really does wonders for the soul, and it will help you get over him.
I am the QUEEN of taking trips to get some healing and fresh perspective. And yes, some people see it as ‘running away’ from your problems. But honestly, why is that so bad?
When you’re going through a shit situation, getting out of it for a while does wonders.
Yes, the problem may still be there when you get back, but YOU will have changed a little. You will have gotten some fresh air, some perspective, and hopefully some space between you and your ex-beau.
Some frown upon ‘escaping,’ but I can’t say enough good things about it. It has really gotten me out of some situations.
How To Get Over A Married Man
Getting over a married man is not easy. Not only are you getting over the loss of someone in your life, but you are also dealing with all the different emotions that come with being in a relationship with someone, who was in a relationship with someone else.
The best thing you can do is cut contact with him and block him, and focus on yourself moving forward. You deserve so much more than being someone’s second choice, and once you spend time healing and doing things you enjoy, you will see this more clearly for yourself.