Sleeping with someone is a sure way to complicate the relationship when you don’t plan on dating afterward. Hook-ups can be fun, but they can lead to a mix of emotions too.
The person you slept with might be a friend or might be someone you enjoy hanging out with, and things might seem a little more complicated now.
Can You Be Friends With Someone You Slept With?
You can be friends with someone you slept with, but this needs to be a mutual friendship from both sides and the two of you need to be on the same page.
Ex-lovers can make good friends, as long as they are mature about their relationship and don’t let emotions ruin the friendship.
However, this is a minefield of problems if you both don’t communicate well or aren’t on the same page.
If you do not feel comfortable being friends with someone you slept with, then it is better to walk away before things become more complicated and difficult to deal with.
However, if the two of you do want to remain friends, it can be possible.
How To Be Friends After Sleeping Together
It might take some work at first, but with some effort from both sides, ex-lovers can be friends, and it can grow into a meaningful, mature friendship.
There are some situations where you might have no option but to be friends after sleeping together, such as being in the same friends’ group, working together, or even co-parenting.
Here are some surefire ways how to be friends after sleeping together:
Don’t Rush The Friendship
Even if it was a casual, no-strings-attached hook-up, there are always emotions involved, no matter how small. Because of this, it really is best to not rush into being friends after sleeping together.
You might be sure of how you feel, but they might feel different, and you don’t want to put them into a situation that they are not comfortable with.
Keep a distance for a little while, and start contact slowly again. Treat them how you treat all your other friends, not like someone you have hooked up with.
Avoid Alone Time At First
It is a good idea to hang out in groups at first. Spend time together with mutual friends and just try to see them as you would the other friends in your group.
Spending time alone is possible in the future, but at the beginning of your friendship, it might feel a little too much like a date, and it might be difficult to separate your intimate involvement and your friendship.
Keep Hangouts Neutral
If the two of you do end up spending time together alone, whether it be for work, studying, or other reasons, try to choose places to hang out that are neutral. Busy coffee shops, a walk in the park or a casual lunch restaurant would be best.
Seeing each other in intimate settings can be difficult, especially if there are any feelings brewing beneath the surface. You need to give yourselves the chance to move past what happened and to build a friendship on a good, mutual base.
Try to not talk about the time or the times that you slept together. Even if it was a very positive experience for both of you and there are no hard feelings afterward, it is best to avoid the sex talk.
It might just put extra pressure on your friendship and it might add some unnecessary temptation that neither of you need. Avoid things that might get in the way of your friendship, and don’t talk about things with them that you wouldn’t talk about with your other friends.
Be Open About Partners
The two of you will not be in a friendship bubble forever, and there will be new partners that come into the picture, whether it is you dating someone new or your friend.
It can be tough seeing them with someone else, or them seeing you with a new partner, and feelings of possessiveness might creep in. For this reason, you need to be open with each other about potential partners and don’t do it from a place of jealousy.
Let them know if you are seeing someone new, but don’t go any further than that. They definitely don’t need a rundown of what you and your new partner get up to!
Fight Against Temptation
In the early days of your friendship, it can be difficult to fight away the temptation of hooking up again, but if you are serious about being friends and building a healthy friendship together, it is something you need to do.
This means avoiding time alone, avoiding talking about your time together, and maybe just taking a break from each other for a while. It can be easy to fall into the temptation trap when you are alone or feeling lonely, so just try to avoid these situations!
The Pros And Cons Of Being Friends After Sleeping Together
Just because you can be friends with someone after sleeping together, does not mean that you have to.
There are pros and cons to being friends with someone you have slept with, and it really is worth looking at these to decide whether or not a friendship is the right move for you.
Pros Of Being Friends With Someone You Slept With
Deeper Understanding Of Each Other
Sleeping with someone is something that most friends don’t experience. You get to know someone in a completely different way, and it can form quite a bond.
Even if it was a casual hook-up and the two of you are now just friends, there will always be that bond. It might even make you feel more comfortable around each other, even just as friends.
It gives you the chance to have a deeper understanding of each other, which is a great way to build a meaningful relationship.
You Don’t Lose A Friend
The two of you might have decided to not continue an intimate relationship, but this does not mean that the two of you can’t be friends.
You might get along so well together, but just as friends. Sleeping together doesn’t have to rule out the possibility of you being friends, so don’t let the friendship go to waste because of what happened in the past.
The two of you obviously have a special bond and fondness for each other, and this can make for a really great friendship.
If you have slept with someone in your friend group or at work, it can be very complicated if you do not stay friends after sleeping together.
By taking the high road and being mature in your friendship, life can be made quite a bit easier. There will be no awkwardness in your social circle and no tension between you at work or in other situations, and the less drama you have in your life, the better!
Cons Of Being Friends With Someone You Slept With
You and the person you slept with might not be on the exact same page with becoming friends, even if both of you have agreed to it. It is very possible that one of you might feel jealous if the other talks to someone else or starts dating someone new.
Is there a chance that you might feel jealous seeing them with someone new? Do you think it would upset you if they dated someone else? You need to be honest with yourself, as jealousy can be a very strong emotion, and is not something that will build a healthy friendship.
Friendships should not be possessive, but if you have slept with someone and are now friends, you might feel possessive over them, or they might feel possessive over you. Neither of you will be able to build healthy relationships or go out and date if there is possessiveness in the friendship.
If either one of you, or even both, shows signs of possessiveness as friends, it is probably best to spend some time apart and rethink if the friendship is the best choice.
Fighting Off Temptation
Especially early on, there is a good chance that you will both have to fight off the temptation to fall back into old habits again. If the two of you spend time alone or are flirty, it can be easy to sleep together again, and while this is fine if you are both consenting and open to it, it is not a great way to build a platonic friendship.
Be open with each other and talk about what you want moving forward. If both of you agree that sleeping together again might jeopardize the friendship, then you will have to battle against temptation and find a way to be friends without it creeping in.
Can You Be Friends With Someone You Slept With
It is very possible to be friends with someone you slept with, as long as both of you are mature about the situation and have the same idea of what the friendship should look like.
If either one of you still has feelings for the other or if any negative emotions such as possessiveness or jealousy start to show, it is best to take a break from each other.
A friendship between two people who have slept together can grow to be a deep and meaningful bond, as long as both parties are on the same page!
With all that said, being friends with someone you slept with is historically a risky situation. Especially once either one of you start dating someone new.
If it comes out that you have been intimate with someone who’s still a friend, your partner can feel some type of way.
A lot of people would be rather uncomfortable dating someone who is friends with an ex or someone they’ve slept with.
This is all just stuff to keep in mind as every situation is very different and no one can give you an answer on your specific problem without knowing all the details.
But in short. Can you be friend with someone you slept with? Yes, of course you can. Should you? I would highly recommend against it unless there was:
- A very meaningful friendship before you slept together and you want to preserve that.
- You’re both extremely mature, on the same page, and communicate well.
- It was literally a one-off thing (see: drunk mistake) and you both agree to leave it at that.
I know talking about things is uncomfortable and it’s easier to push it all under the rug, but in this situation, I think you absolutely have to communicate and make no assumptions if you do want to preserve the friendship.
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