Why Do I Get Mad When My Boyfriend Drinks? (11 MUST-KNOWS!)
Your evening might start out pleasant, whether out with friends or on a date, until your partner starts drinking and you start to get upset.
You might feel like there is a blurred line for yourself when you get mad when your partner drinks, are you overreacting, or is it something that you should actually be worried about?
No matter how hard you try, every night out with some drinks might land up in an argument between you two, and while every relationship has its trials, this might be something that just does not go away.
So why do you get mad when your boyfriend drinks? Should you work harder to ignore it or should you confront him about it?
To help you get a better grasp on this, we have gone through all the different reasons this might happen, and what you can do about it.
What Alcohol Does To Our Behavior
First, it helps to understand what alcohol does to our behavior, to help you understand why your boyfriend acts a certain way, and why it might upset you so much.
When alcohol is consumed, our ability to think straight is compromised, and we do not act rationally. We have lower inhibitions and often feel more confident and emboldened, which is not always the best mix.
Drinking alcohol is fine when done in moderation and when done responsibly, but overdone, it can cause us to act very unlike ourselves, and even become slightly sloppy.
For those who haven’t been drinking, this is very obvious, and it might not be a behavior that you want to be around while sober.
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Alcohol And Relationships
You might think that alcohol might be the problem in your relationship, and while it might be a contributing factor, there could be something else wrong, and these problems show up or are amplified when your boyfriend drinks.
Maybe a part of his behavior is amplified when he drinks, such as him being rude to you or him being overly friendly to other people, and while he might display this behavior when sober, it just gets worse while drunk.
So, alcohol might not actually be the problem, it is just when these problems are at their worst. It is also common for couples to fight more when they have both been drinking, and this could make it seem like alcohol is the real problem.
However, both of you do need to realize that alcohol does bring out these problems, and it is best to have a conversation when both of you are sober.
Why Do I Get Mad When My Boyfriend Drinks?
There are a wide range of reasons as to why you might get upset when your boyfriend drinks, and it is worth looking at the different reasons listed below to see if any apply to you.
He Acts Out Of Character
One of the main reasons why people get upset when their partner drinks is because it causes them to act out of character.
Some people can stay fairly the same when they drink, but it also can affect other people much more. Your boyfriend might be one of those people who completely changes when he drinks, and this is obviously upsetting.
He might usually be sweet and caring when sober, but when he drinks, he might become brash and rude, which is out of character.
Anyone would become upset over this, and it is a valid reason for you to become angry when your boyfriend drinks, especially if he chooses to drink often.
It Highlights Other Problems
As we mentioned above, drinking might highlight other problems in your relationship. This is especially true if the both of you drink together, as there is just more fuel to the fire and the two of you are likely to argue if your inhibitions are lowered.
There could be a variety of issues that might be highlighted when drinking. Your boyfriend’s temper might be brought out more, you might feel more worried about him drinking when you aren’t around and him staying loyal to you, or it might just bring out a toxic trait in your relationship.
Alcohol might not actually be the problem, but it definitely just brings out the worst between the two of you, and this is definitely not easy to deal with.
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It Brings Out Your Insecurities
Another reason you might be upset when your boyfriend drinks is because it highlights your insecurities in the relationship.
It could be that your boyfriend becomes friendlier with other people when he drinks, and this causes you to worry or feel jealous.
He might have also been unloyal to you in the past and cheated, whether physically or emotionally, and the chances of this happening again could be greater when he is drinking.
Even if he doesn’t become disloyal to you when drinking, it could still cause you to worry, whether it is irrational or not.
You would either have to address how he is acting with him and decide where to go from there, or you would need to address where your insecurities come from.
His Drinking Is Out Of Control
It could very well be that your boyfriend’s drinking is out of control, and this is definitely worthy of becoming emotional over. Mad might not be the best emotion to deal with it, but it is very easy to understand where you might be coming from.
Alcoholism is a real problem, and your boyfriend might think that his drinking is under control and might think that it is all social drinking, but there is a line that is easily crossed where drinking becomes out of control, and where he becomes dependent on it.
You as his partner need to decide whether you stick around and help him see the problem and heal from this, or if you are not prepared to take this on and you move on, especially if he is refusing to see any problem with his drinking.
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It Is Always About Drinking
Your boyfriend might not have a problem with alcohol, but he might always want to include alcohol in your plans, and this can be really frustrating.
Maybe you want to go out for a nice dinner without too many glasses of wine, or maybe you want to hang out with friends without all the beer, and that is perfectly acceptable.
However, your boyfriend might find any way or reason to bring alcohol into every situation, maybe he feels like it is the only way that he can have fun or feel comfortable.
It might very well be that all of your interactions include alcohol in some form, and this could just not be who you are, which is why it might make you mad at him when he insists that he needs to drink.
This is a very close parallel between alcohol dependency, and it can be quite a fine line between the two, and it is something to keep an eye on.
He Chooses Drinking Over You
It does become a big problem when your boyfriend chooses drinking over you, and this really puts your relationship in a bad place.
It could start off small at first, but he will start ignoring your pleas for him to stay at home with you or to stop drinking for the night, and he chooses to go and drink.
This is a very good reason to be upset, and it might even be a sign of something more serious that is wrong.
You might not always come first in the relationship, and that is fine as we all have different things to focus on, but your boyfriend should not be focussing on alcohol more than you.
Alcohol Trauma From Your Past
You might have some alcohol trauma from your past, such as an alcoholic parent or family member, and this could cause a traumatic response when you see your boyfriend drinking.
This could be made worse if your boyfriend drinks often or binge drinks, and it could bring up a whole host of emotions for you. It might not even be that your boyfriend is doing anything wrong, but you do need to have a serious conversation with him about how this affects you.
What Do You Do When You Don’t Like Your Partner Drinking?
Deciding what to do when you become mad with your boyfriend’s drinking can be tough, because it depends on the degree of his drinking and whether or not it really is something to be worried about.
Here are some of the things that you can do when you become mad with your boyfriends drinking:
Talk To Him
The first thing you should do is sit down and talk to your boyfriend about his drinking and how it makes you feel.
It is obviously best to do this sober and when both of you are in the right state of mind so that it doesn’t land up in another argument.
However if you find that he is not open to having the conversation, and he keeps becoming defensive about his drinking, then it could be a red flag.
Try hard to not be too accusing or demeaning when talking to him about his drinking either. Remember that you are partners and you need to work through things together, and him feeling under the microscope could cause him to become defensive about it all.
Find a time when you are both not distracted and are open to having a conversation.
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Speak To Someone Supportive
You might find that you need some support yourself, and you might not be completely comfortable with approaching your boyfriend with how you feel.
Speak to someone you trust and someone who you feel you can be open with. This could be a family member, a friend or even a counselor.
You also need someone to talk to about the situation, and it is always so therapeutic bouncing your feelings off of someone else, and taking advice should you feel you need any.
Try To Get Him Help
If his drinking is becoming a serious problem, then it might be time for him to get help. You can never force someone to seek help for themselves if they do not want to, but it is definitely worth talking to him about this and seeing whether or not he is open to talking to someone.
It could be a doctor, a councilor or even a local group. Maybe once he hears how his drinking affects you, it could push him to seek some help and maybe get a better control on his alcohol habit and see where his addiction might be coming from.
Make A Decision
Unfortunately, you might find yourself in the position where you have to decide if you are okay with carrying on with the relationship if his drinking is causing bigger problems, and if he is not going to try and work with you to make it better.
You need to take care of yourself, and if you have tried everything you could and he still hasn’t changed his habits, then it could be healthier to spend some time on your own.
It is not always your responsibility to fix someone else, especially if it is having quite a large effect on your life and your happiness.
Why Do I Get Mad When My Boyfriend Drinks?
There are many reasons why you might get mad when your boyfriend drinks, and it could be that it is representing bigger problems in your relationship, or that his drinking is out of control and having a negative effect on your relationship.
You need to speak to him and be open with how his drinking is making you feel, and see how he reacts from there. He might understand where you are coming from and compromise for you, or he might be defensive and not want to change, and then you would need to make a decision about what is best and healthiest for you.