Video games are a popular hobby for many men, and women, but sometimes, they can become consuming, and when this happens, gaming can have an effect on relationships.
If you find that your boyfriend is constantly playing video games, and not spending enough time with you, you might have difficulty approaching the situation.
You would obviously want to address the problem and have him understand how you feel, but what does it actually mean if your boyfriend would rather play video games than be with you?
Spending time together is so important in a relationship, as well as finding a balance between spending time on your own.
To help you through this, keep reading to find out why your boyfriend might be playing video games, and what you can do to hopefully have him spend more time with you!
Why He Spends His Time Playing Video Games
Playing video games can range from a hobby to a full addiction, and there is often a fine line between the two. Your boyfriend might enjoy a few hours of gaming a day or a few times a week, or it could take up all of his spare time, and even cut into some of his responsibilities.
If you are concerned about how much time your boyfriend spends playing video games, and if it starts cutting into the time that he should be spending with you, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first to assess the situation.
Questions To Ask Yourself
Asking yourself these questions first will allow you to have a clear view of his time spent gaming and if it is something to be concerned about or if you are reading into it too much.
At the end of the day, remember, we can’t control other people, we can only control our reactions to them…
Does He Spend All Of His Spare Time Gaming?
This seems like a straightforward question. However, if you are feeling upset that he spends so much time gaming, it can be easy to answer “yes” without being honest, because the answer suits you.
Think about his time at home or with you – does he spend time with you? Does he meet up with friends? Does he dedicate time to other hobbies?
If he doesn’t have any free time away from gaming then it is an indication that it could be a problem.
However, if he does spend some of his time doing other things, then maybe you are overthinking his hobby. Having a clear idea of how much time he spends gaming can put things into perspective for you.
Does He Actively Choose To Game Over You?
Think about when he games, and when it upsets you. Did you make plans to meet up, and instead he cancels to stay home and game? Or does he do it in his spare time when you expect him to be spending time with you instead?
If he actively chooses to spend time playing video games over spending time with you, then it is definitely cause for concern. While there should always be a balance between spending time doing things alone and spending time together, the two should not cut into each other.
However, if the two of you spend time together and then he spends his free time gaming, then it might not be too much to worry about.
Does It Bother You That He Chooses To Game After Spending Time With You?
You might be more into spending every second together than your boyfriend might be, and that is fine. The two of you are simply different.
You might want to spend every second together, whereas he might love spending time with you, but then he would appreciate time on his own too.
This might lead to it bothering you if he chooses to then go and game after spending time with you when you had wished that the two of you could’ve spent that time together as well.
You need to understand this from his side – he isn’t cutting into the time that he spends with you, instead, he is rather enjoying both sides, his relationship and his alone time!
Do You Get Upset When You Are Bored?
If you do not have any hobby or interests keeping you busy, then you might find an issue with your boyfriend playing video games.
You would have a lot more free time on your hands, and during your free time, he would be filling his with gaming.
It could be that you just have more time available to spend with him, but your free time and his free time are different, and this is something that you have to consider. He cannot provide you with constant entertainment.
Remember though that this is only true if he does spend time with you outside of gaming!
How You Can Deal With It
So, if you feel as though your boyfriend would rather play video games than be with you, here are some things you can do to approach the situation and hopefully find a balance!
Speak To Him
The most important thing you can do is sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him about how you feel. He might be completely oblivious to the fact that he is not spending enough time with you, and instead spending time gaming.
Sit your boyfriend down and let him know how you feel. Be open and calm and don’t be aggressive or emotional when you talk to him. Let him be open about how he feels as well. Having a good line of communication between the two of you is the best way to move forward and to find a balance that suits you both.
Speaking to him might be just what he needs to spend less time gaming, and more time dedicated to you and the relationship.
Try To Get Involved
If your boyfriend really loves gaming and still spends time with you, but you don’t feel like it’s enough, one thing you can do to get on top of the problem is to start gaming with him.
It could become quite a fun way for both of you to spend time together. He can either teach you to play, or you might know already and fit right into his games.
While this should in no way excuse him from spending all of his time playing video games and not spending time with you, it could be a compromise between the two of you, doing something you both enjoy and spending time together.
Find Things Both Of You Enjoy
Your boyfriend might just be one of those people who enjoys staying inside and playing videos games, and that’s fine! It could take some convincing to get him out of the house or even doing something other than playing video games at home.
To convince him to put the controller down and instead spend time with you, why not find things to do that both of you enjoy.
This could be going hiking if he enjoys the outdoors, or playing his favorite board games together. This is a compromise for the two of you to do things you both enjoy, spending time together outside of gaming!
Find A New Hobby
Could it be that you are upset with your boyfriend for playing video games because you don’t have a hobby to fill up your spare time?
Why not try to pick up something new, such as starting a new craft, or joining a new sports group. Keeping yourself busy means that you won’t be so upset that your boyfriend is gaming, as long as there is a good balance between alone time and time together!
As a couple, both of you need to meet halfway. He needs to compromise, and so do you. This could mean that he spends less time gaming, or dedicates a night or two a week only to you, and you become more comfortable with him gaming and doing what he loves.
Coming up with a schedule of sorts can be easier for both of you, so you know what is expected of each other, and you know that there is a good balance. If you both aren’t prepared to meet halfway, then there might be some bigger issues in the relationship that need to be discussed.
Look At The Big Picture
You do need to take a step back and look at the big picture. If your boyfriend refuses to cut back on gaming and this affects how much time the two of you spend together, then you might need to reconsider the relationship.
You deserve to be with someone who prioritizes you and who will compromise to make the relationship work, and your boyfriend might prove to not be this person.
My Advice If Your Boyfriend Chooses Video Games Over You
If in the end, you are certain your boyfriend is continuously choosing video games over you, it may be time to end that relationship.
It’s important to have a partner who has their own life, interests, and hobbies. But if your boyfriend is constantly putting you on the back-burner because he’d rather game, that’s not the relationship you deserve.
Think about your relationship honestly. If you are okay moving forward with someone who’s always going to pick their video games over you, then that’s your decision. And I can respect it.
But if you’re sitting there hoping, fighting, nagging him to spend more time with you, it’s time to find someone who actually wants to spend the time and effort on this relationship.
Relationship are hard work. Even the amazing, healthy relationships that are incredibly fulfilling take time an effort. They take two partners who truly want to be together.
I don’t think someone who is apathetic towards you is going to give you that relationship where you feel valued and loved.
You’ll find yourself slowly making more and more of an effort to keep the relationship alive. And that just isn’t how relationships should be.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Games Too Much
Many relationships take time to work through finding a balance between time together and time spent doing your own thing.
Having your own space in a relationship is so important, but if you think your boyfriend spends too much time gaming, you need to speak to him about this, and hopefully figure out how you two can prioritize time as a couple.