How Long Should The Talking Stage Last Before Dating? (A Relationship Expert Answers!)

Oh, the talking stage of dating. The talking stage can be both an exciting and uncertain phase. You’re just starting to get to know someone, everything is fresh and exciting, but nothing is official.

Neither of you are ‘committed’ to each other yet. The relationship is ‘undefined.’

The butterflies, the sparks… but Oh… the anxiety!

As with all aspects of dating and relationships, there really isn’t a one-size-fits-all. That includes the talking stage of dating.

But of course, there are millions of people who have been where you are and we can pull from their experience and wisdom.

Generally speaking, we have found that the talking stage can last anywhere from two weeks to two months. There are a lot of factors that come into play here, such as how often you two talk, how compatible you are, and what you’re both looking for.

Some sources online suggest that after two weeks, you might have a better sense of whether you’d like to make things official. I think two weeks is (personally) too short.

But everyone is different, and what works for one couple is different than what works for another.

The talking stage may vary widely, but it’s a crucial part of dating that allows both parties to discover each other’s interests, goals, and values.

It’s a time when you establish trust, gauge compatibility, and decide if there’s enough chemistry to move forward into a more committed relationship.

Honestly, the length of your talking stage will depend on your unique situation, so trust your instincts and prioritize open communication with your next (potential) partner.

What To Know About The Talking Stage

Man and Woman talking over coffee - Featured In : Talking Stages of Dating

In modern dating, the talking stage is an crucial phase that many people go through before entering into a relationship.

Some people love the talking stage and some hate it, but it’s an importan part of getting to know someone new.

What Is The Purpose Of The Talking Stage?

The primary purpose of the talking stage is to get to know each other without making any commitments. You two are still very much strangers and need to figure out if you’re on the same page before moving forward.

This stage allows you to understand your potential partner’s personality, interests, and beliefs, while maintaining a level of casualness.

It serves as a stepping stone between friendship and a more serious relationship, eliminating unnecessary expectations and pressure that come with dating.

Important Factors Of The Talking Stages

There are a lot of factors that influence how long the talking stage can last:

  • Communication: Keeping an open line of communication is essential throughout all stages of dating. Discussing your thoughts, feelings, and expectations can help to move the relationship forward. A lack of proper communication could prolong the talking stage or even cause it to end abruptly.
  • Compatibility: During the talking stage, you are evaluating your compatibility with the other person. A strong connection can speed up the process, while a lack of compatibility might cause the talking stage to drag on or eventually fizzle out.
  • Personal preferences: Every individual has their own pace and comfort level when it comes to dating. Some might prefer to keep things casual for a few weeks, while others might take months to establish a connection before taking the next step.

According to various sources, the talking stage typically lasts between several weeks to 2 months, but it’s important to remember that this duration can vary based on personal preferences and circumstances.

And it’s important to not judge past relationships to new ones. Everyone progresses differently.

Casual dating looks differently from person to person and even relationship experts can’t give you a definite timeline of when things should happen.

Defining the Talking Stage

The talking stage is the initial phase in which you and someone else are getting to know each other without being in a serious, committed relationship.

When you ‘start talking,’ you both have casual conversations, learn about each other’s interests, and see if there is a strong connection between the two.

This stage plays a HUGE role in determining if the person you are talking to can potentially become a long-term romantic partner.

It usually lasts between 2 weeks and 2 months and can involve different communication methods like texting, phone calls, and meeting in person. Ideally, it would involve all three.

During the talking stage, it’s essential to be open-minded, communicate genuinely, and listen actively to understand each other better and see if you’re both on the same page.

Some topics that people typically discuss in this stage are:

  • Personal life, such as your hobbies and interests
  • Family and friends
  • Work or career goals
  • Past experiences and future aspirations

The main goal during the talking stage is to build a solid foundation for a potential relationship and see if there is mutual romantic interest.

Make the most of this time to be yourself and establish trust with the other person.

Factors Influencing the Duration of the Talking Phase

Man and woman having a drink

Personal Readiness

One of the key factors that determine the length of the talking stage is your personal readiness for a relationship.

If you are not emotionally ready to enter a committed relationship, the talking stage may last longer.

It is essential to take the time to get to know yourself before you go out on the dating scene. Figure out your preferences and values before moving forward with someone else.

Also, make mental notes about the other person and how emotionally available they are. If they aren’t in a place to have a serious relationship (and thats what you want,) the talking phase can last very long.

To the point where you find yourself in a situationship and lose out on other prospective partners.

If someone isn’t ready to take the next step after a fair amount of ‘talking,’ it may be best to move it along.


Another major factor that impacts the duration of the talking stage is compatibility with your potential partner.

This includes shared interests, values, and long-term goals. If you find that you are highly compatible during the talking stage, it could progress more quickly.

On the other hand, if compatibility issues arise, you may spend more time getting to know each other and ironing out any differences.

Also, not to go on a tangent: but if you notice compatibility issues (like you really want kids and he very much doesn’t,) this isn’t the time to ignore these things.

Never ignore major compatibility issues during this stage just because you really like them or are infatuated. it will just lead to heartache further down the line.

Communication Styles

Your communication style and that of the person you’re talking to also play a significant role in determining the length of the talking stage.

If both parties communicate openly and honestly, the talking stage can progress more swiftly.

If either of you is reserved or uncommunicative, it may take longer to get to know each other and reach a decision about moving forward.

I don’t like being like RED FLAG(!!!) at every little thing. But take mental notes if the person you’re with is (or isn’t) open to discussing important topics.

If you’ve been talking for two months or more and the topic of ‘what is this’ or ‘where is this going’ is vague or completely avoided, you may have found yourself in a situationship. Tread carefully.

Relationship Goals

Lastly, your individual relationship goals will influence how long the talking stage lasts. It’s essential to discuss your goals and expectations with your potential partner at some point during this stage.

If both of you share similar intentions for the relationship’s future, it will be easier to progress through the talking stage.

However, if one person is looking for a casual relationship while the other seeks something more serious, this discrepancy may lengthen the talking stage as you both determine if your goals align.

Again: if you both don’t align here, it may be best to move on to someone who does align instead of forcing it.

Having a loving relationship requires a lot more than a physical or emotional connection, you both have to align on so much more.

This is the time to see if that’s the case.

Pros and Cons of a Shorter Talking Stage

Man and woman biking


When you keep the talking stage short, you can quickly figure out if you’re truly interested in your crush.

A shorter talking stage can also help in escalating things to real romance such as going on an actual date or sharing a first kiss.

By not drawing out the talking stage, you minimize the chances of getting stuck in a perpetual cycle of small talk, and it allows you to move on to other potential partners if things don’t work out with the person you’ve been talking to.

This way, you avoid wasting time on uncertain connections.


A shorter talking stage may make you feel rushed to make a decision about the person you’re getting to know.

It could lead to forced interactions and might not allow you to fully comprehend the other person’s feelings or intentions.

According to LovePanky, people with avoidant attachment personalities might need more time during the talking stage to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy.

Another downside to a shorter talking stage is the risk of giving a false impression.

For instance, the other person might perceive your eagerness to progress beyond the talking stage as desperation or an ulterior motive, which could lead to misunderstandings and potential relationship issues down the line.

Pros and Cons of a Longer Talking Stage


During the talking stage, you get the chance to know each other better before committing to a relationship. A longer talking stage can have some advantages:

  • Deeper connection: You’ll have more time to discover shared interests, values, and beliefs, building a stronger foundation for a future relationship. Taimi suggests that a longer talking stage allows exploration without pressure.
  • Less pressure: Instead of rushing into a relationship, a longer talking stage gives you the opportunity to take things slow and ensure that you both are comfortable and ready for commitment.
  • Better decision-making: As you get to know the person more, you can make a more informed decision about whether you truly want to be with them or not.


On the other hand, a longer talking stage can also present some drawbacks:

  • Stagnation: A talking stage that drags on for too long can lead to stagnation, where both parties become content with the current situation and don’t move forward. According to A Conscious Rethink, flirting and hinting at wanting more can help avoid this.
  • Lack of clarity: The longer the talking stage lasts, the higher the chances that mixed signals and confusion can arise. If expectations aren’t clear, this might lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
  • Opportunity cost: Spending more time in the talking stage could cause you to miss out on other potential connections. As PeopleLooker mentions, it’s important not to tip-toe around your intentions and instead move forward when both parties are ready.

Knowing When To Move Forward

Man and woman having wine

Understanding when to move forward from the talking stage can be challenging, as there’s no definitive timeline that fits everyone. Every situation is unique.

Since you’re getting to know each other and gauging interest without being exclusive or in a committed relationship, it can be hard knowing if both people are progressing at the same time…

To help you decide when to move forward, pay attention to the following:

  • Your level of comfort: Are you comfortable sharing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with the other person? Open communication is vital, and feeling at ease with each other can signal that it’s time to progress.
  • Mutual interests: Discovering shared hobbies, goals, and values can increase the connection and provide a foundation for a strong relationship.
  • Exclusive feelings: Assess whether you’re interested in pursuing a committed relationship exclusively with this person. If your feelings have grown stronger, it could be time to talk about taking the next step (A Conscious Rethink).

Remember to be patient—a stronger connection takes time to develop. Trust your intuition and focus on fostering open communication.

Moving forward doesn’t always follow a set timeline; what matters most is making sure both of you are ready and willing to progress together.

Common Challenges and Solutions of the Talking Stage

The Talking stage isn’t all rainbows and butterflies… you may face various challenges, especially in modern dating.

Let’s get into some of the most common problems people encounter and our advice for navigating these tricky waters…

Mixed Signals

Receiving mixed signals from your potential partner can be confusing and frustrating. To deal with this, make sure to communicate openly and honestly.

Express your thoughts and feelings and encourage them to do the same.

By having open conversations, you can understand each other better and reduce misunderstandings. If needed, use calm and assertive communication to discuss concerns.

I like to say, take mixed signals as a NO. But, I have also been one to give off mixed signals sometimes without intending to.

Use your gut and intuition here, are the mixed signals a lack of interest or something that needs to be discussed?

Unclear Intentions

Unclear intentions can make it difficult to decipher if you both want the same thing out of the relationship.

To tackle this issue, try setting personal boundaries and sharing them with your potential partner. Also, be transparent about your expectations and ask them about theirs.

Doing this will help clarify where you both stand in the relationship and help you make informed decisions about moving forward.

Note: Actions over words. It’s easy to have a conversation and ‘clear the air,’ but if they still aren’t giving you what you want, it’s best to download that dating app again and move it on..

Fear of Commitment

Dealing with fear of commitment can be a challenge for both you and your potential partner. The first step is to identify the root cause of this fear. Before you officially date anybody, it’s important to figure out if you even want to be in a new relationship.

Reflect on past experiences and try to understand what might be holding you back.

If you need to make the talking stage longer, make sure you communicate that with your potential partner. Don’t just go to the next stage without discussing these things.

Addressing these issues can help you gain confidence and move forward in the relationship. Even if not with your partner, perhaps a licensed therapist can help you decipher what’s going on.

Remember, it’s important not to rush things.

Take your time to get to know each other and build trust. This process will make it easier for both of you to take the leap into a committed relationship when you feel ready.

Summary: How Long Should The Talking Stage Last?

As you can see, there really isn’t a direct answer. No one can tell you ‘the talking stage should last 13.2 days. That’s just not life.

There are a lot of factors at play and every romantic relationship is different.

Now, the general consensus is that the talking stage lasts between two weeks and two months.

You need to give it some time to go on a couple of dates and really get to know each other before establishing a long term relationship.

But if you’re talking for too long, that’s also a bit of a red flag. The person may be stringing you along, seeing multiple people (with no intention of committing to any,) or just not that into you.

If you’re spending time with someone and it’s been a few months, there’s no shame in wanting to take things to a deeper level. Have an open and honest conversation.

If you’re not on the same page, don’t linger hoping they’ll change their mind down the road. Go find someone who wants the same things and feels the same way about you!

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