All couples argue, with some arguing more than others, and some handling these arguments better. However, knowing how to work through an argument, and how to recognize if you are arguing too much, is really important to know for all your relationships.
But what happens if you are wanting to work through an argument, but he tells you to leave every time you argue, and you are left in limbo?
What does it mean if he tells you to leave every time you argue, and is it something that you should be concerned about?
There are many things it could mean if your boyfriend or partner tells you to leave every time you argue, and it is really helpful to recognize what it might mean so that you can work out what to do next.
So, if he tells you to leave every time you argue, then read on to find out what it might mean, and what you can do in the future.
What Does It Mean If He Tells You To Leave Every Time You Argue?
Every relationship has its problems, and you will experience ups and downs no matter how long you have been together, but you do also need to know how to pick up on red flags and to better work out why he acts this way.
Here are some of the main reasons why he might tell you to leave every time you argue. Take a read-through to try to work out which seems to relate to your relationship most:
He Wants Control Over You
One reason he might tell you to leave every time you argue is to try and show that he has control over you. He would want you to know that he is in power and that what he says goes, which is definitely not a healthy way to act in a relationship.
This is his way of manipulating you into apologizing first or gaslighting you into thinking that you are the one who has done something wrong and who needs to come crawling back, just so you don’t get kicked out of your own house.
He wants to show you that he is in control of the relationship, he makes the rules, and he calls the shots, and that you should listen to what he says, and allow him to be the one that doesn’t have to make changes.
This is a toxic relationship and you definitely deserve to be with someone who does not try to control you and the relationship, and who does not try to express his dominance, especially when you are at your lowest in an argument.
He Doesn’t Want To Lose You
It might sound counter-productive for him to ask you to leave when he is actually just afraid to lose you.
He could be testing you each time you argue, out of his own insecurities, seeing if you will really leave if he tells you to. He wants to know that you will instead stay and work things through, rather than just leave.
It is likely that he has insecurities from a past relationship or his childhood where he is afraid of being abandoned, and this is his way of testing your willingness to stay with him. If you do leave when he tells you to, then he would think that you are not that committed to him.
Insecurities are really hard to deal with in relationships, and even though you might reassure him often that you want to be with him, he would still try and test this out on his own.
His insecurities might not get any better no matter how much you try to tell him you are staying, and in this case, it is best for you to encourage him to speak to someone who could help him work through his insecurities on his own, which would also benefit your relationship.
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He Needs Space To Think
He might be the type of person who prefers to stop an argument before it gets any further and before someone says something they might regret. He might not feel like this is possible if you are in the same house, so he would then ask you to leave so the both of you would have time to think.
It obviously isn’t fair for you to be the one to leave every time you argue, but it is probably best for the both of you to spend a little bit of time apart just to gather your thoughts, and then hopefully talk things over when you are in a better state of mind.
Arguing and continuing to argue in the heat of the moment is never a good idea, but he should also not expect you to be the one to leave whenever you have an argument.
He Wants To Show He Is All You Have
This is similar to him wanting to show you that he has control, but almost a step further. He might try to tell you to leave every time you argue, to show you that you do not really have anywhere else to go, proving to you that he is all you have.
Many unhealthy, controlling relationships work this way, where he might isolate you from family and friends, and provide you with everything that you need so that you become dependent on him and have nobody else to turn to.
Him telling you to leave shows that you do not have anyone else to turn to, whether you really do or not, and it is just another manipulation tool that he is using.
This is obviously a very unhealthy, and emotionally abusive, relationship for you to be with. Your partner should never isolate you from the people you love and your support system, and if you think that this is what he has done, then you should seriously try to find some help from the outside.
Try to reconnect with family or friends, or even look for a support group who can help give you the strength to stand up for yourself, realize you are not alone and you do not need him, and help you build up your life without him.
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He Wants You To Leave
Maybe it could be that he really just does want you to leave. For him, maybe the relationship has run its course and he wants the relationship to end, but he just does not know how to come out with it, or maybe he really hasn’t realized it fully for himself.
In the midst of the anger felt in the argument, it could just come out without him even expecting it, and it would come out as him asking you to leave.
This is obviously something huge and is something that should not come up in the heat of an argument, and him asking you to leave is also not a definite break-up either.
The two of you should sit down and speak about this in a mature way, instead of leaving it till you are arguing already.
He Doesn’t Want To Lose His Temper
Some people have short tempers, and certain things might set their temper off. He could have a short temper, but he might be trying to keep it in control, so he would ask you to leave when you are arguing to prevent him from losing his temper.
You leaving would remove the aggravator from the situation and stop the argument where it is, rather than it progressing to the point where he does lose his temper, and then things might be said that can’t be taken back.
It is more mature of him to avoid this happening by asking you to leave, but he could also remove himself from the situation too if he feels like he is losing control.
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What To Do When He Asks You To Leave When You Argue
If he asks you to leave every time you argue, then you would need to decide how to act. How you would respond will depend on why he is asking you to leave, and the relationship that the two of you have.
Here are some different ways that you can act or respond when he insists that you leave after an argument.
Take A Break And Leave
It might be in your best interest to actually just go with it and leave when you have an argument. If you stay, the argument might just keep escalating, and nothing is ever really resolved this way.
By leaving, you are giving both of you time to cool down and think about what has happened and what has been said, so that you can come back and discuss it when you have both calmed down more.
However, he should also recognize that maybe he should leave in some situations, rather than expecting you to each time.
Go To Another Room
Instead of leaving the house or wherever the two of you are, you could just go to another room. This would only work if the both of you recognize that you need this space and don’t go barging into the room to continue arguing.
You shouldn’t have to go through the hassle of having to leave and feeling as though you do not have somewhere to go, so separating yourself from the situation and going to another room should help the both of you become more level-headed to hopefully sort things out later on.
It really is the mature thing to do, to move to another room and take a breath, rather than carrying on arguing, which will likely go nowhere.
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Bring Down Your Temper
It might not actually be him at fault when he asks you to leave every time you have an argument, it could be because you can’t control your temper and you have a tendency to take things to the next level.
He could recognize it, and that is why he asks you to leave. He knows that the two of you need space to calm down, and he knows that if you just keep arguing, things will be said that you can’t take back.
You should be able to recognize temper problems in yourself, so instead of getting upset with him over asking you to leave, rather take a step back and look where he might be coming from.
Wait To Talk To Him
The best thing you can do is to wait to talk to him about why he asks you to leave every time you argue. Don’t confront him with this during an argument, as it is very unlikely that it will be resolved.
Wait until the both of you have moved on from the previous argument, sit him down, and ask him why he always feels the need for you to leave.
Simply talking to your partner about what is bothering you really is the only way for it to be resolved, and for you to see it from his side and for him to see it from yours.
There is no point bringing it up in the heat of the moment.
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Is Him Asking Me To Leave When We Argue A Red Flag?
It is difficult to say whether him asking you to leave when you argue is a red flag or not, as every relationship is different, and he might have some valid reasons of his own as to why he asks you to leave.
It could very well be that he is trying to show control over you and prove that he is in a position of power, which is obviously a major red flag!
But it could also be because he recognizes that the two of you need some space to avoid the argument going any further and getting any worse.
The best thing to do is sit down and talk to him about why he wants you to leave every time you argue, and go from there.
Hopefully, the two of you can resolve it, or you need to make a decision as to whether or not the relationship is right for you.
Remember, couples will always have hurdles but you need to be with someone who wants to work those issues out.
If he shuts down, asks you to leave, and never addresses the problems, you won’t be able to build a healthy, long-term relationship with him.