If you’ve ever found yourself texting with a narcissist, you know how frustrating it can be. A narcissist has a way of making you feel truly cared for, but at the end they only care abut themselves.
While your intuition may be telling you that something’s not right, the rational part of your brain may refuse to believe it.
Your gut feeling might signal that things aren’t quite right, yet your logical mind may struggle to accept this reality.
Texting with a narcissist typically involves voluntarily accepting small crumbs from them, justifying their texting habits, and endlessly hoping that they will change.
This can be an exhausting and emotionally draining experience. However, to assist you in discerning if your texting partner is a narcissist or simply not great at texting, we have put together examples of typical texts from a narcissist.
What Are Some Text Habits Of A Narcissist?
Narcissists exhibit specific text habits that can be quite revealing of their personality traits. Firstly, they tend to engage in “total bombardment” texts, where they inundate you with messages, calls, and voicemails, especially when feeling deprived of attention.
This is a tactic to regain control and ensure they remain the focus of your attention.
Secondly, narcissists often use “devaluing” texts, where they criticize, belittle, or make negative comments about you. This serves to undermine your self-esteem and make you more reliant on their approval.
Let’s dive deeper into some of the types of text messages a narcissist would send…
Examples Of Narcissist Text Messages
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know that their text messages can be a source of confusion, frustration, and even emotional pain.
Narcissists use text messages as a way to control, manipulate, and devalue their partners. Here are examples of narcissist text messages that you may have received:
Total bombardment texts are a common tactic used by narcissists. They involve sending numerous messages, missed phone calls, and voicemails to get your attention.
This behavior is a critical indicator of the narcissist’s need for their ‘narcissistic supply.’ They seek your attention and affirmation as a way to regain a sense of power and control in their existence.
You may experience an overwhelming influx of messages in situations such as:
- When you’re occupied with other tasks, leading the narcissist to feel resentful about your preoccupation.
- If the narcissist is feeling insecure or perceives a threat to your relationship.
- During an argument, where the narcissist is eager for a swift resolution.
- When the narcissist aims to disrupt or interfere with your current activities.
This relentless stream of messages is intentionally crafted to deliver a clear and forceful message, essentially demanding, “Pay attention to me! I will persist until you do!
This behavior is akin to how young children throw tantrums, persisting until they achieve what they desire from their parents.
The more you engage with them (by replying), the more they succeed in getting your attention.
Narcissists use devaluing texts to make you doubt yourself and your worth. They may criticize your behavior, make unsolicited comments about your appearance, or point out your faults.
These texts are designed to make you feel like your well-being and happiness depend on the narcissist.
Examples of devaluing texts:
- “Just to let you know, your conduct in front of our family today wasn’t up to the mark. I hope to see better from you in the future.”
- “Really, that’s what you’re eating? Keep in mind, without altering your diet, your gym efforts are futile. It’s your call, but it’s obvious you’ve put on weight, and frankly, it’s not a good look.”
Intense Proclamations of Love
Exaggerated declarations of affection are a well-known strategy of narcissists, employing love bombing to make their partners feel exceptionally valued and cherished. Initially, these gestures might appear benign and even flattering, particularly in the early, exhilarating stages of a romance.
However, consider your reactions to these messages. Do they seem somewhat disingenuous? Overly dramatic or too intense? Perhaps even embarrassing? What would your impression be if someone else were to read them?
Such feelings can be indicative of underlying manipulative motives. In contrast, in healthy, loving relationships, partners offer sincere validation and compliments. This expression of affection is measured and balanced, enough to make both individuals feel acknowledged and valued.
No-Nonsense, Demanding Texts
Narcissists often come across as chronically demanding in their texts. They expect you to drop everything you’re doing and take care of their need instantly.
These texts may come out of nowhere. They might also arrive when the narcissist knows you’re busy and can’t agree to their request.
They will likely punish you and say you never pay attention to their needs. It’s a lose-lose situation by design.
Mind Reader Texts
Narcissists believe that they know you better than you know yourself. They use this belief to control you and make you feel like you’re not capable of living without them. These texts are designed to make you feel dependent on the narcissist.
Examples of “the mind reader” texts:
- “You claim you’re fine, but I can tell it’s not true. I know precisely what will help you feel better. Imagine where you’d be without my guidance, right? You’ll thank me later.”
SCREAMING Text Messages
Narcissists use all caps in their texts to provoke you, trigger an intense reaction, and mask their insecurities. These texts are often lies created for manipulation purposes.
Narcissists craft these messages to startle you, elicit your sympathy, and reel you back in, especially if they sense that you’re distancing yourself from them.
Examples of “CAPS LOCK” text:
- “WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU IGNORING MY MESSAGES? DON’T YOU SEE WHAT I’M DEALING WITH? IT FEELS LIKE EVERYONE’S AGAINST ME, AND I THOUGHT YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, WOULD UNDERSTAND. I’M REALLY LET DOWN BY YOU.”
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Hot and Cold Texts
Narcissists employ the strategy of alternating between warmth and aloofness to instill fear, create doubt, and gain control.
They transmit mixed signals through these ‘hot and cold’ texts, causing you to second-guess their motives.
The aim of these messages is to keep you in a state of uncertainty and foster feelings of insecurity.
Examples of “blowing hot and cold” texts:
- “Hey babe, I hope you have a great day today. Let me know if you need anything.”
- (A few hours later): “Why are you texting me? You know I’m busy at work.”
- (Tomorrow morning): “Yeah, good morning to you too. Not into texting right now.”
Feigning crises is a common hoovering technique used by narcissists. It will pull your most sensitive heartstrings.
These are the messages you get when you’ve ended a relationship with a narcissist. Keep in mind that a crisis doesn’t have to be dramatic.
They might start with a more innocent request like, “Hey, I know we aren’t really on speaking terms, but I really need support with something.”
Desperate Long Texts (To Get You Back)
Narcissists use love bombing as a hoovering tactic to reel you back in. As their desperation grows, they begin to inundate you with a flurry of text messages, phone calls, voicemails, and even selfies.
These texts are designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their happiness.
An example of desperate word salad texts:
- “Hey there. I realize I’ve not been quite myself these days, but remember, it takes two to keep things going. We’ve got something special here, but it needs both of us working at it consistently. I’m committed to doing my part for us, and I hope you are too. Together, we can ensure our happiness and strengthen our relationship.”
How To Respond To Narcissistic Text Messages
Dealing with narcissists can be a challenging experience, especially when it comes to texting. However, there are some ways to protect yourself and respond to their messages. Here are some tips:
Establishing boundaries is essential when dealing with narcissists. It is important to set limits and not feel obligated to text them back at any time of the day or night.
You can protect yourself from their 24/7 attention-seeking by having boundaries.
For instance, don’t respond to their calls or text messages at bedtime. Instead, think about yourself and prioritize your own needs.
State Your Limits
It’s important to set boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. You don’t have to respond to every message they send you, and you don’t have to respond right away.
You can limit your technology use by only using your phone at designated hours during the day, requesting that people call instead of text in the event of actual emergencies, turning your phone off or on silent at bedtime, and not using your phone on holidays or vacations.
Keep in mind that narcissists often expect to be the exceptions in people’s lives. They don’t want to follow rules. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to take a firm stance.
Keep It Simple
Narcissists often send word salad texts that are hard to understand. Don’t take their texts too seriously, and don’t fall for their manipulative tactics.
The more you comply with their expectations, the more they perceive their self-centered behavior as acceptable and without issue.
So, keep it simple and send a simple response that is not too much or too little.
Respond to One Message at a Time
When responding to a narcissist’s text message, it’s best to keep it simple.
Don’t try to match their level of communication, and don’t feel the need to answer every single question they throw at you.
Respond to one message at a time, and don’t reinforce their word salad or nonstop bombardment.
Avoid Drama Over Text
If you observe that the situation is intensifying and they are pushing for a serious discussion over the phone, it’s advisable to propose an in-person conversation instead.
It’s important to sidestep dramatic exchanges via text, as narcissists often leverage this medium to their benefit.
Persisting in text conversations can lead to continued harassment, aimed at making you feel guilty for not engaging or taking them seriously.
Ignore Gaslighting or Games
If a narcissist is trying to gaslight you or play games with you, it’s best to disengage entirely. Don’t argue with them or try to prove them wrong.
Instead, take a neutral approach by saying nothing at all. This is beneficial if you’re seeking to have a low-contact relationship.
Take A Neutral Approach
Arguing with a narcissist is not recommended. Instead, take a neutral approach and don’t try to show them that you’re right and they’re wrong.
Avoid attempting to make them feel remorseful for their actions, as they will invariably devise ways to assert that you are the one in the wrong.
So, take a neutral approach so they don’t have material for their further narcissistic and manipulative tendencies.
Cut Them Off
At times, the most effective approach to handle narcissists is to completely disconnect from them.
Blocking them and ceasing all responses to their texts can offer you the space needed to reassess your relationship with the narcissist and potentially move forward for good.
However, if you later decide to give them another chance, you always have the option to unblock them. Utilizing the blocking feature can serve as a method of implementing the ‘no contact’ rule.
When you’re prepared to decisively end the cycle of narcissistic abuse, blocking the narcissist might be necessary.
This action halts the turmoil and affords you the opportunity to contemplate the future direction of your relationship.
Keep in mind, blocking isn’t necessarily a permanent measure, even if you’re feeling uncertain. It can be a valuable tactic for taking a momentary pause and considering your next steps.
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but setting boundaries, responding to one message at a time, avoiding serious conversations over text, ignoring gaslighting or games, and blocking them are all effective strategies for responding to a narcissist’s text message.
What Happens When You Ignore A Narcissist’s Text?
Ignoring a narcissist’s text can be a powerful tool to disarm them, but it can also lead to some unpleasant consequences.
When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text, they may become upset because they’re not receiving the attention they crave. They may send you angry texts demanding for you to text them back or fake caring and worry texts to reel you back in.
It’s important to keep in mind that narcissists feed off attention, care, and affection. This boosts their ego and makes them feel secure.
When they are deprived of their narcissistic supply, which is your attention and affection, they often become fearful and may go to great lengths to win you back, solely to continue deriving sustenance from your love and care.
Some of the things a narcissist may do when you ignore their text include stalking you and bombarding you with phone calls, voicemails, and word salad texts. It’s important to stay strong and not give in to their tactics.
Remember, you have the power to take control of the situation and protect yourself from their manipulative behavior.
If a narcissist senses that you’re ignoring them, they may become unhinged. Cutting off their access to you, even if it’s just temporary, can make them feel threatened.
Losing power and control is one of their greatest fears, and they may increase their bombardment of text messages.
They may start sending you messages like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you. What’s going on?” or “Babe, is everything okay? Why aren’t you responding?” or “I’m getting worried.
I’m going to come over right now.” If you thought their rapid series of texting was exhausting, you might be in for some rocky news.
When a narcissist feels rejected, they start devaluing their loved ones. Sometimes, the rejection seems inconsequential. For example, you may have been legitimately busy for most of the day.
But they perceived your inattentiveness as a sign that you don’t care about them. They start devaluing as a way to punish you for hurting their ego.
Over time, devaluing can cause them to discard you altogether. The discard happens when you no longer meet their needs.
They essentially develop a tolerance for controlling you. Eventually, they must move on to someone new to feel that “rush” again. Keep in mind that this phase may persist for several months or years.
If they decide to stay in the relationship, they may not necessarily reach the point of discarding you. However, they are likely to oscillate between phases of love bombing and devaluing, a pattern also referred to as ‘hot and cold,’ to ensure you remain constantly uncertain and attentive.
Using Other Forms of Communication
If you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text messages, some may just transition into another way of contacting you.
If they realize they’ve been blocked, they might resort to alternative methods of contact, such as calling, emailing, messaging on social media platforms, or even appearing at your home or workplace. When confronted about this behavior, their typical response might be to justify their actions by saying something like, “I was just checking to see if you’re alright.”
Alternatively, they might respond defensively, saying, “I’m concerned about you and was afraid something had happened! Are you suggesting I should stop caring?” This is why it’s important to consider blocking as a comprehensive strategy.
Merely blocking their texts and calls may not suffice. It’s also advisable to remove them from your social media connections and inform friends, family, and colleagues that this individual is no longer a part of your life.
Using Other People
If you haven’t responded to the narcissist, they may immediately jump to external reinforcements. They will contact friends and family to ensure that “everything is okay.”
Rather than giving you space, some narcissists will immediately jump to using other people as a means to get to you.
It’s essential to remember that ignoring a narcissist’s text messages is not an easy task. You may have to face unpleasant consequences, but it’s important to stay firm and consistent in your decision to ignore them.
By doing so, you’re taking control of your life and protecting yourself from further emotional harm.
Dealing with a narcissist’s text messages can be emotionally draining and confusing. Remember that their behavior is not a reflection of your worth as a person. You have the power to protect yourself by setting boundaries and maintaining a neutral tone.
If necessary, taking a break from communication with the narcissist can also be a healthy choice. Keep in mind that it’s important to prioritize your well-being and mental health.
Stay strong and trust in your own instincts. With time and practice, you can learn to navigate the narcissist’s texting habits and maintain your own sense of self-worth.
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