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Being cheated on is probably one of the most painful human experiences known to man.
Your trust is completely betrayed. Your self-esteem takes a nosedive.
And often times you spiral and overthink in such a way that you start believing you have obsessive-compulsive disorder.
But (unless you have been medically diagnosed with OCD), you likely don’t.
Everything you’re feeling is completely natural and expected.
The person you loved and trusted beyond words has done the unimaginable. This is a traumatic experience and you have every right to feel betrayed.
You have every right to spiral and overthink.
It’s only natural for your mind to race with questions, doubts, and even self-blame.
However, overthinking after being cheated on can prolong your suffering and hinder your healing process.
It can keep you stuck and cause irrational thoughts.
I want to help you stop that horrible cycle.
Let’s discuss some steps you can take to help stop overthinking and start moving forward.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
However, by following these tips, you will be on your way to gaining back your confidence, understanding your emotions, and ultimately learning how to trust again.
The key is to take things at your own pace and remember that healing is a process that takes time and patience.
Also, remember… you DON’T have to do it alone.
Seeking support from friends, family, or even professional help can make a big difference in how you manage your emotions and thoughts.
It’s important to surround yourself with compassionate individuals who can help you process your feelings and find the strength to move forward.
Remember that you are not alone, and there is help available for you on your journey toward healing and self-discovery.
Feeling Stuck & Like You Can’t Do It Alone?
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to start improving your life. If you are serious about taking back control of your life, take a second to look into BetterHelp.
BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in individual and couples counseling. and will work directly with you online; anytime and from anywhere.
What Is Overthinking And Why Does It Happen?
Overthinking is a common and completely natural response after being cheated on, where you obsessively analyze every detail of the past, present, and possible future.
It often leads to excessive worrying, self-doubt, and difficulty in decision-making.
But why exactly does overthinking happen?
- Emotional response: The pain of betrayal triggers intense emotions, leading you to constantly replay scenarios and question your self-worth. Your mind is trying to make sense of what happened, contributing to overthinking.
- Needing answers: Being cheated on often leaves you with unanswered questions, making it difficult to find closure. You’re naturally inclined to seek explanations and reassurance, which fuels overthinking.
- Trust issues: The breach of trust may leave you doubting your instincts and questioning if you can ever trust again. This can lead to overanalyzing potential warning signs in future relationships.
- Regaining control: Feeling powerless is common when you’ve been cheated on, so you may overthink in an attempt to regain control of your emotions and life, even though it often has the opposite effect.
Understanding the reasons behind overthinking is fundamental in learning how to overcome it.
Although overthinking is natural and expected when you have been betrayed, it’s still something you’re going to want to get under control.
How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On
Recovering from being cheated on can be one of the hardest processes you ever have to go through.
And overthinking doesn’t make it any easier.
Regaining control of your thoughts after your partner cheated may seem impossible, or like it’ll never happen, but I promise you, healing will happen.
It just takes time and it isn’t always linear.
However, here are some great strategies to stop overthinking after being cheated on.
Remember to take a few deep breaths and keep an open mind.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal you but this will be a process and sometimes forcing it just makes it take that much longer…
Change Your Current Environment
Switch up your surroundings, as this can be a powerful tool in resetting your thoughts.
Try rearranging your furniture or going for a walk in a new park.
Find a new gym, maybe even go on a vacation or weekend trip if you can afford it.
If there are places and things that remind you of your partner, try to remove them.
Maybe you can’t move and leave the apartment you lived in together, but simply redecorating and moving everything around can make it seem like a whole new place.
This can help with triggering thoughts about your partner.
I’m also a huge advocate of a ‘break-up vacation.’ I know that’s not a luxury we can all afford.
But getting out of your town, even if just for a day or two can do wonders for your mental health and those intrusive thoughts.
It can make you feel like a different person putting yourself in a completely different environment.
Travel or seek out new experiences to create fresh perspectives on life, which can reduce overthinking and promote emotional growth.
Understand It Is Not Your Fault
Remember that your partner’s decision to cheat was not a reflection of your worth.
Avoid blaming yourself and focus on healing instead.
This one takes time so I’m going to need you to repeat it to yourself constantly.
It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Write it on Post-it notes and leave it around the house. Put it as an alarm on your phone for every hour.
Find a way to keep reminding yourself that their actions are a reflection of them and not on you or the entire relationship you had.
It’s easy to blame ourselves and point fingers but all that does is prevent you from being able to heal properly.
Set a Standard Within Yourself
Establish personal boundaries and set expectations for yourself and any future relationships.
This can help reduce overthinking and provide a sense of control over your emotions.
This can mean not allowing yourself to stalk them on social media or the person they cheated on you with.
It can mean making a vow to practice self-care and self-love when you catch yourself spiraling.
You set a standard for yourself everyday in what you will and won’t accept.
You have to set that same standard now with overthinking.
Say to yourself, ‘this isn’t serving me’ or ‘what good does this bring me?’ whenever you catch yourself.
Asking yourself these questions can help your stop overthinking, even if just for a few moments.
But a few moments here and there add up and next thing you know, it becomes a thing of the past.
Never Make Decisions Out of Fear
When addressing your feelings, approach them from a place of rational thought rather than fear.
Fear can lead to impulsive decisions which may not serve your best interests.
It is easy to go into a ‘lack mindset’ when overthinking after being cheated.
You start thinking you’ll never find someone again.
or if there are children involved, you may want to seek revenge and not let them see their kids.
But all these fear-based reactions will only do you more harm.
I encourage you not to make any big decisions while you’re still healing.
Make sure to start practicing mindfulness and make choices from a place of peace and calmness.
Easier said than done, I know.
But if you feel yourself acting out of anger, fear, or rage – try to catch yourself and stop the spiral.
Improve the Relationship You Have with Yourself
Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
It’s only natural for a betrayal of this magnitude to affect your self-esteem and take a toll on your wellbeing.
Make sure to practice self-care routines, stay active, and engage in activities that bring you joy and growth.
Add some positive affirmations to your morning routine. Tell yourself every single day you’re worth it and you’re special.
Because you are!
Don’t let the fact that someone didn’t see your worth cause you not to question it yourself.
Journal Your Feelings
Writing down your thoughts can be therapeutic and help you gain clarity.
It also serves as a way to track your emotional progress over time.
I can’t begin to tell you the mental health benefits journaling has.
Honestly, this is a great habit to pick up on.
When you journal, realize there isn’t a wrong answer. Just write and write and write.
Whatever comes out of you, let it pour out.
Do this every morning and night.
A lot of the time we overthink because our thoughts are just in our minds, stuck.
But putting them out on paper, getting them outside our head, can relieve a lot of mental tension.
Talk to a Professional for Practical Strategies to Manage Your Thoughts
Seeking therapy or counseling can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate the healing process.
A cheating partner takes a huge toll on us.
You sometimes don’t even realize the emotional damage they have caused until you get into another relationship.
In order to break free and gain self control, emotional support in the form a specialist can be a game-changer.
They will give you practical tips and guidance and help you move forward with healthy relationships.
Accept What Happened
This is huge! Acceptance is a critical step in moving forward.
Recognize the situation for what it is, without dwelling on the negative aspects.
There is a lot of anger and blame that takes place when you feel betrayed.
But just try to sit with the actual facts of the situation.
Acceptance takes time and you may want to seek therapy for this step, but it is crucial you make your peace with it.
Coming to terms with the situation will provide a sense of closure and allow you to concentrate on your present life and personal growth.
Engage in activities that occupy your mind, such as reading, watching movies, or taking on new hobbies.
This can minimize rumination and provide a necessary mental break.
It can be anything, reading, writing, taking some tennis lessons.
Just, for the love of God, don’t sit at home and spend all day going over the details of your relationship.
Your mind needs something else to focus on.
Whatever that may be.
If you find yourself constantly checking their social media, consider removing the app from your phone or blocking them cold-turkey.
Acknowledge Your Feelings; Don’t Try to Suppress Them
Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions.
Cry, scream, let it all out!
Bottling them up will only delay the healing process.
Let yourself have ‘bad’ days and just feel all your feelings.
If you suppress your emotions, you aren’t doing your future self any favors.
You may think that if you allow yourself to feel bad, you won’t be able to stop feeling bad.
But that’s not the case.
Allowing yourself to feel everything, the good, the bad, the rawness will help you get past this traumatic experience.
Improve Your Physical Health
Exercise regularly, eat well, and get enough sleep.
A strong body supports a healthy mind, making it easier to cope with emotional stress.
Not to mention the endorphins that a regular exercise routine gives you.
Being in good physical shape isn’t about vanity metrics, but it’ll help you feel good about yourself.
It is also a great form of self-care and self-love to take care of your body.
Something that you will desperately need during your time of healing.
Participate in activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul, such as exercise, meditation, or volunteering.
Let Go of Thoughts About the Past or Future
Focus on the present moment and avoid dwelling on past events or future uncertainties.
Concentrating on what you can control now is more productive and empowering.
Sometimes the act of betrayal hurts, but the real pain is the loss of the vision we had.
The life we had.
We remember all the sweet moments we shared and the romantic fantasy we envisioned for our future,
But when your partner cheats, all that is now gone.
The good memories are now tainted. We feel anger when we think about the past.
We feel resentment when we think about the future they have ruined.
But we have to let go of all that.
We have to bring ourselves back to the present.
The past memories aren’t tainted and they also weren’t perfect.
The future you thought you had is gone, but it opens doors for a future so amazing you can’t even possibly imagine.
Focus on the present moment and the good that can come from this if you allow yourself to heal properly.
Forgive Your Partner and Yourself
This is huge and can take a long, long time. Years for some people.
Don’t force forgiveness, especially in the beginning.
Forgiveness is also a personal choice but a valuable step towards healing.
Remember that forgiving does not mean forgetting or excusing the behavior; it’s about releasing the emotional burden you have been carrying.
And forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for yourself.
It’s to let go of the pain and have a ‘normal’ life that isn’t filled with anger and resentment.
It’s about finding peace.
You also never have to tell your ex-partner you forgave them, it’s just something you do internally.
Make a conscious effort to let go of the anger you feel towards them.
Again. This can take months, years, who knows how long.
But letting go of that rage and resentment is only done with time and forgiveness.
You never have to allow them back into your life (and in most cases, you probably shouldn’t) but give yourself the gift of inner peace.
Set Boundaries with the Person Who Cheated on You
Establish clear guidelines for communication and interaction to protect yourself emotionally and to promote healthy relationship dynamics moving forward.
If you have kids involved, make sure to let them know what is and isn’t appropriate going forward.
If you don’t have children with this person and never want to hear from them again, make that known.
Then make sure to take all the necessary steps to block them from your life.
Whatever boundary you want to place for your own well-being, make sure to be very firm.
If you decide to take this person back, make sure you also establish boundaries on what is and isn’t appropriate moving forward.
Only you know what those boundaries could be.
Surround Yourself with Good People
Connect with friends and family who provide support and encouragement.
They can help you maintain a positive outlook during tough times.
This isn’t a good time to isolate yourself.
Having, or finding, a good support system and friendships is vital.
It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole when you’re alone.
And if you feel lonely, it’s even easier to go back to someone who isn’t good for you.
Consider joining a support group or attending therapy sessions.
These resources can be incredibly beneficial in navigating the healing process.
Sharing your thoughts and emotions with trusted people will provide additional support and aid in your healing journey.
Find People You Trust to Lean On for Support
Establishing a strong support system aids in emotional recovery, as trusted friends and family can provide insights and encouragement.
This is something you should be working on throughout life.
You never want to find yourself in a situation where you feel completely isolated and alone, especially during a difficult time.
Always be seeking out people you trust and can lean on.
Whether that’s a friend, mom, or therapist.
Having a solid support system can get you through almost anything.
Work on Yourself and Practice Positive Self-talk
Nurture self-love by engaging in activities that foster personal development and practice positive affirmations to counteract negative thoughts.
Positive affirmations are a game-changer for life.
Especially during this difficult time where it’s easy to spiral and think badly about yourself.
Sometimes overthinking after being cheated turns into self-hatred.
It becomes a vicious cycle and can disrupt your normal routine.
Your subconscious mind needs to be constantly reminded that you are worthy, loved, and NOT the reason for someone else’s actions.
Why We Start Overthinking After Being Cheated On
It’s essential to identify the root causes of your overthinking after experiencing betrayal.
Knowing these triggers will help you address them effectively.
Let’s explore some common reasons and steps you can take to overcome them.
Trust issues: Cheating can shatter your trust in others, leading you to overanalyze every situation.
To rebuild trust, remind yourself that not everyone is the same.
Establish clear boundaries and communicate openly with future partners.
Trust takes time to rebuild, but don’t let your past experiences prevent you from moving forward.
Low self-esteem: Betrayal can lead to feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem.
However, it’s important to know that someone’s disloyalty reflects poorly on them, not you.
Focus on self-love by challenging negative thoughts about yourself and engaging in uplifting activities. Surround yourself with individuals who appreciate and value you.
Fear of vulnerability: After being hurt, it’s natural to become guarded and avoid making deep connections.
It’s essential to recognize that vulnerability is necessary for forming strong relationships.
Open yourself up to new experiences, and remember that not every person or situation will involve deception.
Emotional stress: The aftermath of infidelity can be emotionally overwhelming.
Blow off steam by incorporating stress-relief techniques into your routine, such as exercise, meditation, or journaling.
Giving yourself an outlet to express your emotions will make it easier to manage your thoughts.
Wanting To ‘Figure Out’ What Happened: When you get cheated on, we start wanting to overanalyze and over-examine every situation.
When did the cheating start? Were they lying when they said that? Did I Do something? Did they ever love me
Was the whole relationship a lie?!
We want to figure out and dissect every interaction we had to get some sense of closure.
But overthinking won’t give you closure.
It never does. It just causes more pain.
By addressing these underlying issues, you’ll be better equipped to stop your overthinking and regain control of your emotions after experiencing betrayal.
I can’t repeat this enough: healing is a process, so be patient with yourself and take things one step at a time.
Does The Pain Of Being Cheated On Ever Go Away?
It’s natural to wonder if the pain of being cheated on ever truly goes away, especially when you’re in the depths of your heartache.
While there’s no definitive timeline or one-size-fits-all answer, you’ll find that healing is possible with time, patience, and self-care.
I will say that with time, all things heal. Even the pain of being cheated on.
It may still hurt or sting a little when you think back on it, but that pain in your chest.
The fact you can’t sleep at night.
All that, eventually goes away and gets replaced with… nothing.
It isn’t anger, it isn’t happiness, you just don’t feel any sort of way toward them or their actions.
But this healing takes a lot of time. It won’t happen over night.
It’s important to recognize and accept your feelings if you’re just starting on the path of healing.
It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, confusion, and sadness.
Give yourself permission to grieve and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel this way.
- Seek support from friends or family who will listen and empathize with what you’re going through. Talking to someone you trust can provide additional perspective and comfort during this time.
- Consider speaking with a professional therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and provide guidance on rebuilding trust and self-confidence.
As you work through your feelings, don’t forget the power of self-care in the healing process. Treat yourself with kindness and prioritize your physical and emotional well-being.
- Engage in activities that you enjoy and that bring you a sense of calm and happiness. This can include hobbies, exercise, creative outlets or spending time in nature.
- Practice healthy habits, like proper nutrition, regular sleep, and stress management techniques.
Lastly, remember that healing from betrayal takes time and that every individual’s journey is unique.
Be patient with yourself and trust that each step forward is a move towards a stronger, more resilient version of you.
Can Overthinking After Being Cheated On Affect Future Relationships?
Yes, absolutely! Overthinking after being cheated on can impact your future relationships in several ways.
It’s important to address these issues to move forward healthily and form positive connections with others.
First, overthinking can create trust issues in future relationships. Once you’ve experienced betrayal, it’s common to become overly suspicious or cautious in new relationships.
You may find yourself questioning your partner’s loyalty and intentions, even when there is no reason to doubt them.
Second, overthinking can lead to self-esteem issues that affect how you view yourself and your worth in a relationship.
You may blame yourself for your past partner’s actions, causing you to feel unworthy or insecure in new relationships.
This can be a barrier to forming deep emotional connections with your future partners.
Third, overthinking can produce a fear of commitment, as you may worry that investing in a new partner will only lead to more pain and disappointment.
This fear can prevent you from fully opening up to others and hinder emotional intimacy in future relationships.
Lastly, overthinking can influence your communication style in future relationships. You may become excessively guarded, either holding back your true feelings or overanalyzing every conversation with your partner.
To overcome these hurdles, it’s important to recognize and address your overthinking habits. Take time to heal and work on rebuilding trust in relationships.
Consider seeking professional help or joining support groups to share your experiences and learn from others who have faced similar situations.
Is It Normal to Have Ups and Downs in the Healing Process After Being Cheated On?
Experiencing ups and downs in the healing process after being cheated on is completely normal. In fact, it’s to be expected.
As you work to cope with this emotional ordeal, it’s important to remember that healing is not a linear process, and you may feel unexpectedly triggered as you navigate through the stages of recovery.
You may think you’re doing great and completely healed, but then something, maybe a text message out of the blue, completely throws you off.
Next thing you know, you’re back to the anger or resentment stage.
That’s completely natural.
These feelings come and go. And although you may feel overwhelmed today, know that you may feel much better tomorrow.
Some factors that can influence the healing process include:
- Emotional triggers: Certain situations or reminders can cause your emotions to flare up during your healing journey. It’s important to be aware of these triggers and find healthy ways to manage them.
- Support system: Having a solid support system, whether it’s friends, family, or a professional counselor, can be crucial in providing a safe space for you to express your emotions and work through the healing process.
- Self-care: Taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing is essential in navigating the ups and downs of healing. Make sure to prioritize self-care practices such as exercise, proper sleep, and maintaining a balanced diet.
- Acceptance and forgiveness: Accepting the reality of the situation and working towards forgiveness can be challenging, but it is an essential step in moving forward. Remember that forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting, but rather finding a sense of closure and inner peace.
As you navigate the healing process after being cheated on, it’s crucial to give yourself the time and space to experience and process these emotions.
Be extremely gentle with yourself and remember that ups and downs are a natural part of healing.
Need Extra Help?
If you feel like you and hit rock bottom are serious about getting back control of your life, take a second to look into BetterHelp.
BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in whatever you may be going through. They will work directly with you online; anytime and from anywhere.
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