When we meet someone new, it’s easy to get into our heads about what is enough? Am I texting too much? Too little? Should I call? Is calling too much? I GET IT! It’s a lot.
One of the most common questions I’ve asked myself is ‘how often should a guy text you in the beginning?’
This isn’t a solid rule and every relationship (and guy!) is different. But I would say, that a guy should be reaching out about twice a day in the beginning. Some small talk in the morning and then checking in with you after work is normal for most guys.
There are exceptions to this rule of course! Some men don’t like to text and I respect that.
However, if he’s into you, he should be reaching out (be it a call or text) at least once a day!
Do. Not. Fall into the trap of being a ‘low maintenance’ girl and being okay with a guy who texts or calls you every 3 days.
If he’s not reaching our for more than 24 hours at a time, it’s a clear sign he’s just not that into you.
Should The Guy Text First Every Time?
No, definitely not! You can, of course, text him first.
However, I will say most men who are into someone will put in a significant amount of effort in the beginning.
And I hate to say this, because it sounds like I’m promoting games (I’m not!), but a lot of men are deeply attracted to women who are unavailable. (Not unavailable because they’re in a relationship, unavailable with their time!)
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t text first occasionally. But it does mean you shouldn’t be the one initiating more than him.
And surely don’t be SO available every time he does reach out to call or text.
And no (I know I’ll get some angry emails about this, I always do! 😂 ), this isn’t playing games. I want you to be so busy and engulfed in your own life you aren’t on your phone 24/7 waiting for some guy to text you.
If you find yourself sitting around wondering why he hasn’t texted, is he busy, or if you should text him – go do something else with your time!
Read a book, call a friend, or do absolutely anything!
Again, you can text a guy first, don’t overthink it.
But if you are constantly in your head going back and forth about some guy, (sorry, tough love time!) you neeeeed to fill your life and mind with some more productive activities.
What To Do When He Stops Texting?
If he stops texting, I would just move on. If he’s interested, he’ll put an effort.
Have you read the classic He’s Just Not That Into You? 10/10 always recommend!
The only time I wouldn’t move on is if he’s been making consistent efforts and you haven’t been reciprocating.
If he’s always texting first, making plans, and you’re not matching his effort, any man with a healthy amount of self esteem would pick up their bag and leave.
If this is the case (be honest!), then I’d put in some effort. Text first. Make some plans. Rekindle that spark. 😉
Is He Breadcrumbing Me?
First let’s define breadcrumbing for anyone who’s unfamiliar with the term.
Breadcrumbing is sending out flirtatious, non-committing messages to someone in order to keep them hooked. It’s giving someone the bare minimum in order to lure them into a semi-romantic relationship (often just for sex or validation) with no real interest or intentions from the breadcrumber.
Breadcrumbing is often putting in juuuuuuuuuust enough effort to keep someone interested without actually putting any effort a lot.
Girls. First of all. You need to leave men who breadcrumb you cold and dry. You do NOT need to be nice and polite to someone who is wasting your time. Just block, ignore, and move one immediately.
Now, here are the common tell-tale signs a guy is breadcrumbing you. And (hint-hint) one is not texting you often:
He Doesn’t Make Concrete Plans
Breadcrumbers won’t ever make concrete plans. They will be vague.
“We should hang out soon”
Nope. You need a time and place for a date. Plus, what is this ‘hang out’ nonsense? Unless you’re 15 you DATE. You don’t hang out.
His Messaging Style Is Inconsistent
Does he text you a lot one day and then fall off the face of the planet for a week?
Classic breadcrumber. He’s breadcrumbing you today and other girls on his roster the next six days.
Cut yourself lose and find yourself someone is excited to talk to you seven days of the week.
When He Does Make Plans, They’re Always At The Last Minute
Does he text you and makes plans, but the caveat is it’s always late at night? Girl. Stop reading this post and go delete that mans number.
There is no reason you should be getting 11PM texts to ‘chill.’ And even if they aren’t to chill, if he’s inviting you out to a bar or with his buddies, why at the last minute?
Why can’t he plan and make time for you? Could it be because it’s suddenly late at night and he’s starting to get lonely and horny? So he thinks to himself “hey! this girl is always available, let me text her.”
Don’t be the girl that guys think of as ‘always there.’
He Doesn’t Reveal His Feelings
Another classic (and absurd!) sign a guy is a breacrumber.
They won’t put much effort so why would they open themselves up? Or talk about their feelings?
All those things require a level of intimacy and maturity that he’s not willing to give you.
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Founder. Entrepreneur. Recovering Perfectionist. Not necessarily in that order.
I run on bad jokes and good food. Lover of life and experiences, I did the nomad thing for four years.
Semi-Based in Miami currently.
In my free time, you can find me reading, running my cats Tinder profile, or trying out a new fitness class. You can find me on Instagram